Suicide: The Logic of a Nightmare

But it is the peculiar cruelty of hopelessness and severe depression that they attack insight and perspective. People can experience themselves as someone they hate and cannot escape, except by shedding the self. In "The Savage God: A Study of Suicide," A. Alvarez argues, "The logic of suicide is different. It is like the unanswerable logic of a nightmare, or like the science-fiction fantasy of being projected suddenly into another dimension: Everything makes sense and follows its own strict rules; yet, at the same time, everything is also different, perverted, upside down. Once a man decides to take his own life he enters a shut-off, impregnable but wholly convincing world where every detail fits and each incident reinforces his decision."

For those who yield to the logic of the nightmare, it is difficult to be harsh or judgmental. Empathy, like grace, can reach to the grave.

Yet suicide is often preventable. Coping can be learned. Medication can treat underlying depression. But precisely because despair can rob individuals of judgment, it may require family and friends to intervene. This task is complicated by the pervasive loneliness of our society. Americans have become more mobile, more isolated and more likely to live in single-person households. When a 1985 survey asked, "How many confidants do you have?" the most frequent response was three. In 2004, the most popular answer was zero. John Cacioppo of the University of Chicago calls this trend "frightening." It leads, he says, to a "pernicious feedback loop" in which loneliness leads to depression, which causes further lethargy and withdrawal. There are a lot of lonely souls.

The suicidal may actively withdraw from family and friends or alienate them with unfair burdens. At some point, loved ones are tempted to respond, "Just get over it." But persistence, in these cases, is the primary evidence of love and friendship. Suicide is usually preceded by warning signs: suicide threats, seeking access to firearms or pills, increased use of alcohol or drugs, purposelessness, rage, recklessness, recent loss or humiliation, writing a will, giving away prized possessions. Those whom we wish to save we must first notice. (The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-TALK.)

Walter Koenig's message following his son's death is apt: "For those families who have members who they fear are susceptible to this kind of behavior, don't ignore it, don't rationalize it, extend a hand."