Matt Towery

Thank goodness we have another riveting Super Bowl to keep us all entertained, and I'm sure the halftime talent won't lip-sync, just like Beyonce didn't lip-sync at that in-your-face inauguration. And I'm sure that those multimillion dollar Super Bowl ads will be just as witty as ever and likely cause us all to race from our chair and purchase two times as many bottles of beer or chips or whatever than we would otherwise. By the way, can you remember who won the Super Bowl last year? How about two years ago?

And we can all sleep better at night knowing that John Kerry is now our secretary of state, right? Between Kerry and the president's nominee for defense secretary, Chuck Hagel, I'm guessing we should be headed toward complete unilateral disarmament within a matter of months.

Well, at the very least we've got the Republican Party around to save the day. John McCain can teach us all how to compromise with anyone on any issue at a moment's notice. And for those who are completely uncompromising, enjoy being part of that all-white, all-male permanent Republican minority.

I know, the tone of this whole thing is sarcastic and really should be more cheerful. But, hey, we live in a day in which zombies and vampires are the hottest trend, so it should be trendy to focus on the dark side.

The bottom line is we have had no economic recovery in this country, our entertainment programs honor just plain ignorance, and the politicians and their pals make very little sense. Our liberty is drifting away, and we all got a nice little tax hike in the form of the payroll deduction tax increase in that effort to "spare the little guy" from the "fiscal cliff."

Looking at all this crazy stuff, I guess we can repeat what Gomer also used to say: "Shazam!"

Matt Towery

Matt Towery is a former National Republican legislator of the year and author of Powerchicks: How Women Will Dominate America.
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