Maggie Gallagher

Two famous women died last week. And surely Betty Friedan would have noticed the irony that the one whose funeral made the national news was the woman who became famous through her husband.

None of which is to take away from the grace and dignity with which Coretta Scott King bore her widowhood. Living up to the position of national symbol is difficult work. So the nation paid fitting tribute, in the person of Coretta Scott King, to the passing of a great era of civil rights.

But of the two women, just as surely it is Betty Friedan who has the better claim to have actually changed history.

For the better or for the worse? Her death might be the occasion for a serious and long-delayed re-evaluation of the social revolution of the last 40 years known as feminism. Conservative critiques of feminism have a certain time-warped quality, a reluctance to acknowledge that the fruits that all women enjoy are the product of this tree. Social movements do not succeed on this scale unless they identify and respond to some real and deep human need.

Yet too many orthodox feminists have made of feminism a dogmatic religion; they seem more interested in defending its purity and goodness than in reflecting on the decidedly mixed impact of social changes of the last 40 years on women's lives. No woman I know wishes to "turn back the clock" to a time when women were blocked from fulfilling their career dreams. But how do we move forward without acknowledging the losses, as well as celebrating the gains?

Feminism arose on the left, but it succeeded in large part because its primary goals were so congruent with the broad sweep of capitalism: eroding barriers to market production. Today, thanks to feminism, anything a woman wants to do that she can do on her own -- or with the help of the market -- she is now more free to do. But anything that requires social support to accomplish -- such as getting stably married and having children -- has become immeasurably harder.

The problem that feminism has never yet named is that women want to have children, and children compete with our ability to throw ourselves wholeheartedly into market production. Our children, by turning us into mothers, make us vulnerable, economically and emotionally.

Orthodox feminism's most persistent answer to this problem has been to call for a network of daycare centers. Well, we have them now. Certainly affluent, educated women have no problem with access to child care, and yet the problem of motherhood remains. The problem is that love, care, connection and intimacy with our children compete for our time and energy with ambition, power, glory and money, in ways that are different for mothers than for fathers.

Maggie Gallagher

Maggie Gallagher is a nationally syndicated columnist, a leading voice in the new marriage movement and co-author of The Case for Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially.