Maggie Gallagher

Another minor failure: The House voted this summer to ban all human cloning. A very bad sign indeed, except fortunately there are lots of aging senators intensely interested in the benefits of therapeutic -- such a nice word! -- cloning. Our operatives have managed to persuade key elites that consuming human young is their only hope for a fountain of life and health. And besides, embryos don't make campaign contributions, do they? (chuckle)

One dark cloud, boss: The New York Times, usually so easily distracted, has unaccountably latched onto the facts.

Our experiment in therapeutic human cloning was, as you know, an utter debacle. All the humans cloned died before we could even turn them into little, profit-making stem-cell factories. "It's a complete failure," Dr. George Sedel, that so-called cloning expert at Colorado State University, had the nerve to tell the NYT. And they even had the gall to report we paid young women up to $5,000 to give us eggs to experiment upon. (Memo to self: Are the release forms iron-clad? Wouldn't want some creative litigators accusing us of misleading impressionable young ladies, would we?) (NB: Check state laws for future reference. Here in Massachusetts, I am sure, there is no problem, but is donating one's potential child for the purpose of killing it and using its flesh prosecutable as a form of child abandonment? With these six-cell babies, it's hard to see any legal risk, but when we reach the organ-harvesting stage, well, best be prepared. Thank you-know-who for Roe! No pun intended! (tee-hee))

But heck, who pays attention to that old gray lady any more anyway! Whichever operative wrote the Advanced Cell Technology press release was really first-rate. Our dead clones "provide the first proof that reprogrammed cells can supply tissues for transplantation."

Brilliant! Brilliant! Next time, can we at least clone him?

Maggie Gallagher

Maggie Gallagher is a nationally syndicated columnist, a leading voice in the new marriage movement and co-author of The Case for Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially.