Larry Elder

Secretary: No, sir. It's pretty quiet out there. MSNBC hired another white host.

Jackson: No, they're on our side.

Secretary: Sorry, sir. Well, there's the black ho thing.

Jackson: The what?

Secretary: Hallmark put out a greeting card encouraging graduates to take on the world, even the universe.

Jackson: And?

Secretary: Well, the computer chip inside the card talks about "black holes."

Jackson: You mean as in black holes in outer space?

Secretary: Yes, sir.

Jackson: So what?

Secretary: Well, a civil rights group called the card racist because "black holes" sounds like "black hos."

Jackson: You're kidding me.

Secretary: No, sir. They got the company to pull the card.

Jackson: What moron said "black holes" in space sounds like "black hos"?

Secretary: The NAACP, sir.

Jackson: Anything else?

Secretary: Remember all those black women murdered in Los Angeles over a period of 25 years?

Jackson: Yes.

Secretary: They caught the guy.

Jackson: Fantastic. Is he white?

Secretary: No, sir. Black.

Jackson: Maybe half-white, like Obama?

Secretary: No, sir. Completely black.

Jackson: Damn.

Secretary: Sorry, sir.

Jackson: Wait. Did anybody criticize the way South Africa hosted the World Cup?

Secretary: No, sir, people called it well-run and said it enhanced Africa's image. Although -- a lot of people complained about those horns.

Jackson: That's no good. I found those suckers annoying, too. I even switched it off a couple of times and watched "Law & Order." And now it's over.

Secretary: The World Cup?

Jackson: No, "Law & Order." It's been canceled. I'm going to miss that show.

Secretary: Me too, sir.

Jackson: Looks like we'll have to run with the LeBron thing. Better get on it before Sharpton does. Maybe I can accuse the owner of having a slave mentality: "You'll go to your grave, thinking LeBron's a slave." Nah. Needs work.

Secretary: Slave, sir? The owner signed LeBron to a sign-and-trade deal for $110,000,000.

Jackson: How much?

Secretary: $110 million, sir. Sir? What's that noise?

Jackson: Sorry, I was practicing my jump shot. OK: "Lincoln's rolling in his grave, 'cuz you called this brother a slave."

Secretary: Better. Sir, Mel Gibson's on line one, and Rev. Sharpton's on line two.

Jackson: I'll take Sharpton. Is he calling about LeBron's owner?

Secretary: No, sir, he wants to know if you can get him season tickets for the Miami Heat.

Jackson: Tell him I'm not in. How about: "For talkin' trash, you can stick your money up..."?

Larry Elder

Larry Elder is a best-selling author and radio talk-show host. To find out more about Larry Elder, or become an "Elderado," visit

Due to the overwhelming enthusiasm of our readers it has become necessary to transfer our commenting system to a more scalable system in order handle the content.