Secretary: No, sir. It's pretty quiet out there. MSNBC hired another white host.
Jackson: No, they're on our side.
Secretary: Sorry, sir. Well, there's the black ho thing.
Jackson: The what?
Secretary: Hallmark put out a greeting card encouraging graduates to take on the world, even the universe.
Secretary: Well, the computer chip inside the card talks about "black holes."
Jackson: You mean as in black holes in outer space?
Secretary: Yes, sir.
Jackson: So what?
Secretary: Well, a civil rights group called the card racist because "black holes" sounds like "black hos."
Jackson: You're kidding me.
Secretary: No, sir. They got the company to pull the card.
Jackson: What moron said "black holes" in space sounds like "black hos"?
Secretary: The NAACP, sir.
Jackson: Anything else?
Secretary: Remember all those black women murdered in Los Angeles over a period of 25 years?
Secretary: They caught the guy.
Jackson: Fantastic. Is he white?
Secretary: No, sir. Black.
Jackson: Maybe half-white, like Obama?
Secretary: No, sir. Completely black.
Secretary: Sorry, sir.
Jackson: Wait. Did anybody criticize the way South Africa hosted the World Cup?
Secretary: No, sir, people called it well-run and said it enhanced Africa's image. Although -- a lot of people complained about those horns.
Jackson: That's no good. I found those suckers annoying, too. I even switched it off a couple of times and watched "Law & Order." And now it's over.
Secretary: The World Cup?
Jackson: No, "Law & Order." It's been canceled. I'm going to miss that show.
Secretary: Me too, sir.
Jackson: Looks like we'll have to run with the LeBron thing. Better get on it before Sharpton does. Maybe I can accuse the owner of having a slave mentality: "You'll go to your grave, thinking LeBron's a slave." Nah. Needs work.
Secretary: Slave, sir? The owner signed LeBron to a sign-and-trade deal for $110,000,000.
Jackson: How much?
Secretary: $110 million, sir. Sir? What's that noise?
Jackson: Sorry, I was practicing my jump shot. OK: "Lincoln's rolling in his grave, 'cuz you called this brother a slave."
Secretary: Better. Sir, Mel Gibson's on line one, and Rev. Sharpton's on line two.
Jackson: I'll take Sharpton. Is he calling about LeBron's owner?
Secretary: No, sir, he wants to know if you can get him season tickets for the Miami Heat.
Jackson: Tell him I'm not in. How about: "For talkin' trash, you can stick your money up..."?
TMZ "Reporters" Call Sarah Palin a "Bad Mom" and "Dumb" After Receiving Speeding Ticket | Cortney O'Brien
Exclusive Photos: Drug Mules Easily Smuggle Narcotics Into U.S. as Border Patrol Remains Overwhelmed | Katie Pavlich