Larry Elder

Here's my holiday wish list:

Dear Revs. Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton,

Please accept my apology for launching into a racist tirade against two black hecklers at my comedy show. Because I attacked two blacks in particular, I know this means I harbor deep-seated racist feelings about all blacks. While, in return, I heard words like "f---ing white boy" and "cracker-ass motherf---er," I know those epithets were directed toward me, as an individual, and not at the entire white race.

Again, please accept my deepest apologies.

Michael Richards, aka "Kramer" of "Seinfeld"

Dear Anti-Defamation League,

Once again, please accept my apology for calling Jews "Hymies" and referring to New York City as "Hymie-town." As I said at the time, "Charge it to my head . . . not to my heart."

Sincerely, Rev. Jesse Jackson

Dear NAACP, Urban League and Congress of Racial Equality,

Please accept my apology for, during concerts in which I sang my song "Gold Digger," giving whites permission to sing along and use the "n-word." Perhaps Michael Richards attended one of my concerts and left not realizing his license had expired.

Kanye West, hip-hop artist/rapper

Dear Jewish Defense League, Korean-American Grocer Association and Council on American-Islamic Relations,

Please accept my apology for, while serving as a Wal-Mart spokesperson, condemning Jewish, Korean and Arab inner-city merchants for "overcharging" blacks. I also inexcusably said that these merchants sell "stale bread and bad meat and wilted vegetables." Charge that to my head, not my heart.

Sincerely yours, Andrew Young, former U.N. ambassador for the United States, former mayor of Atlanta and former colleague of Martin Luther King, Jr.

Dear Democratic National Committee,

During the recent election cycle, the Republican Party ran a number of blacks -- among them Maryland Lieutenant Governor Michael Steele for Senate, Ohio Secretary of State Ken Blackwell for governor, and Lynn Swann for governor in Pennsylvania. So please accept my apology for saying Republicans have a "white-boy attitude," which means "I must exclude, denigrate and leave behind."

Sincerely yours, Donna Brazile, former Al Gore 2000 campaign manager

Dear White Community,

Please accept my apology for my statement during the 2002 "Millions for Reparations" rally: "I just might walk up to the nearest white man and say, 'You don't understand this, this is a black thing,' and slap 'em, just for my mental health. If they don't pay us reparations now, we're talking about scorched earth." There goes my head!

Sincerely yours, Charles Barron, New York City councilman

Dear Anti-Defamation League,

Larry Elder

Larry Elder is a best-selling author and radio talk-show host. To find out more about Larry Elder, or become an "Elderado," visit