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OPINION

Don't Go To College

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
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“Higher education” is terrible.

Please note the quotation marks, you doofy liberals who will no doubt fill the comments with high-pitched typing about how “Conservatives hate knowing stuff.” What passes for “education” today is nothing of the sort, and what calls itself “academia” is really just a venal trade guild packed with mediocrities desperately trying to keep fooling people into forking over $60,000 a year – usually obtained via ruinous borrowing that ties a financial anchor around the defrauded grads’ necks for the rest of their lives.

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Today, academia’s product is largely garbage – gender studies, twisted history, and pointless sociology spin-offs like communications and political science. Yeah, we need more students studying politics when they don’t even know that the Constitution says they can’t shut people up because their feelz has got the hurtz.

Sure, the STEM fields produce a few grads who are going to be more than mere cogs in the corporate machine like their marketing major pals, and some STEM research is useful, but don’t think STEM is immune from academia’s endemic idiocy. Why, the latest thing is how science is racist because…well, probably because these hacks say everything is racist and the weak-willed gutless wonders of America’s faculty are too scared to stand up and say, “Uh no, that’s stupid and it’s not a thing and stop it.”

What’s worse is that most professors are not so dumb as to actually believe the nonsense we hear coming off our college campuses – well, some of them are, but most aren’t. They know it’s poisonous baloney. They’re just too scared to stand up to the sophomore bully boys, bully girls, and bully non-binaries who scour the countryside for witches to burn. Academics are the Ivy League version of that Broward County sheriff’s deputy, knowing they should put themselves in harm’s way to protect their students from this ideological assault, but being too cowardly to do it.

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Pathetic.

Contemporary college is a scam, and if you fork over your money blindly you’re the mark. A quarter million and what do you get? A piece of paper that memorializes your indoctrination plus cirrhosis of the liver.

Hillsdale College excepted, of course. And I wish I could except the service academies too, but when West Point is knowingly commissioning open commies it’s clear that it’s chosen not to meaningfully differentiate itself from the civilian four year resorts. Well, that’s not quite right. At least after you graduate from one of the academies you will get a job – hell, it doesn’t seem the Army can even summon up the cojones to can Comrade Lieutenant yet. But you can’t say that for the rest of academia. Here’s your Feminist Theater Theory degree; welcome to funemployment! I guess being a barista with a $150K student loan debt is a kind of a career. 

“But Kurt, what if I want to nurture my mind and explore my options in an environment of scholastic dedication and intellectual curiosity?” 

Then you should run away from most colleges. Open environments? If you want a sneak peek at the kind of nanny state regime the liberals dream of for all of America, check out your local college campus. An unaccountable ruling class of overpaid administrators controls every aspect of the proles’ lives – yeah, you students are the masses, and if you think they’re going to let you lose your chains you’ve been taking too many bong hits back in your dorm room. Justice? That comes pre-determined based on whatever ideological label they pin on you. Remember, evidence is a bourgeois conceit, while due process is racist and misogynist. Free speech? You’re free to say whatever the grim gargoyles of the Social Justice Stasi approve of, but remember – you can never be woke enough. You’ll always be wrong somehow, because it’s by declaring you a wrongthinker that they gain their power.

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“But Kurt, I have a practical concern – I want to go to law school.”

Don’t go to law school. In fifteen years, robots will probably be doing most of what lawyers do today, and most of them will probably wear better suits. Getting a law degree in 2018 is like getting a phrenology degree in 1918.

So what do you do after high school? How about live? How about do something besides march into another soul-crushing conformity factory for four years? Get a job. Do something, anything besides rush to sit behind a desk for another half-decade. Join the Army – realistically, you have a pretty good chance that your platoon leader won’t be an America-hating Marxist or some virtue-signaling, girlfriendless geebo with a #VetsForGunReform bumpersticker on his Prius. Just do something real.

Then, once you’ve lived a little, and once you’ve learned enough about the world to resist the blithering nonsense you’ll be bombarded with on campus, maybe you can consider college. Maybe you’ve earned some dough, or earned the GI Bill, and you don’t have to wreck your financial future. Maybe you’ll have a little maturity, so your college days won’t just be a drunken haze, and you’ll be able to cut through the guff and use the opportunities that college offers to meet your needs instead of just stumbling through it. I came back from the Gulf War and went straight into law school, back when it wasn’t financial and intellectual hara kiri. I was ready, and I made it work for me. UC San Diego undergrad, not so much. Oh, I had some adventures, but I was four years older than most of my law school classmates and every single day I was prepared for class because that’s what I had learned to do leading soldiers. I was ready.

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Luckily the college as booze cruise model is collapsing under the weight of its infinite expense and finite returns, as well as under pressure from technology that allows people who really want to learn to use the same machine you are reading this on to find pretty much any knowledge they seek. The academic monopoly is slowly breaking apart, and that’s good. So let’s hope this is the last generation that has to spend the rest of its life paying off a grift.

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