Kurt  Schlichter

Sure, he pushes Common Core, but all this fuss over it just shows that we don’t know what we’re talking about. We need to leave our kids’ education to the experts – after all, these pros have made America’s educational system the envy of every country in the world, from Zaire to Zimbabwe!

Jeb isn’t a big supporter of Common Core just because it will create a zombie army of mindless drones ready to toil away for the very companies whose owners are pushing his candidacy. No, Common Core also has the advantage of consolidating power in Washington, D.C. Democrats love that!

It’s called bipartisanship, you racist!

And boy, is Jeb Bush bipartisan! In fact, last June, as chairman of the National Constitution Center, he gave Hillary Clinton an “award in honor of her career in public service and her advocacy efforts on behalf of women.” Don’t worry – she promises not to come back at him during a debate, in the off chance Jeb criticizes her stewardship of the State Department, with “If I’m so awful, why did you present me an award for it in 2013?”

And no, those conservative conspiracy theories about the award being made from the melted down dog tags of the Benghazi victims are totally untrue. You’re just a hater if you think the only thing a Republican ought to be handing Hillary Clinton is a subpoena.

Really, what could be better than a Clinton-Bush re-match? Sure, some conservatives believe the only worse ‘90s retro idea is a Blind Melon reunion tour, but think about the great tourist opportunities that Britain has with just one royal family. Why not have two?

What? You doubt Jeb would go hard at Hillary or any other Democrat? Don’t you remember how his father and brother refused to let liberals pound on them, how they got out there and fought back?

And Jeb Bush has been there at the forefront of the issues that matter most to conservatives, like IRS targeting, attacks on religious liberty, executive overreach, intrusive government surveillance, and gun grabbing. Well, not publicly, of course. See, he’s working behind the scenes. But believe me, Jeb is absolutely and resolutely for IRS targeting, attacks on religious liberty, executive overreach, intrusive government surveillance, and gun grabbing at a much slower pace than the liberals want.

So, what are his views on climate change, the greatest threat to mankind in the history of history? Well, I don’t know. Let me Google it right now as I write this! Well, the top link is a Politico article from April 23, 2013, titled “Climate’s Best Hope: Another Bush,” and it quotes the Florida environmental guy Jeb appointed as saying “I can see him coming around to some combination of a cap-and-trade program….”

Er, uh, did I mention that Jeb speaks Spanish?

Look, the real question is, “Can he beat Hillary?” And the answer? Well, just read my lips: “Jeb Bush is a slam-dunk winner!”


Kurt Schlichter

Kurt Schlichter (Twitter: @KurtSchlichter) was personally recruited to write conservative commentary by Andrew Breitbart. He is a successful Los Angeles trial lawyer, a veteran with a masters in Strategic Studies from the United States Army War College, and a former stand-up comic.