Kurt  Schlichter

Unlike many of you liberals, I started out flipping burgers at the Foster City Carls, Jr., for $3.10 an hour. I didn’t have one of those fake internships or create one of those bogus charities high school kids today manufacture to impress the admissions flunkies at overpriced, underworthy colleges. I worked. I hated it, but I learned valuable skills. These skills made it so that today I don’t have to bag fries, mop out toilets or toil as Michael Moore’s muffin wrangler.

Here’s Hard Truth Number 3: If you need government to set you a “living wage,” it’s because you have failed to make yourself worth a living wage. A higher minimum wage is merely a subsidy to ensure you don’t have to put in the effort necessary to earn what you want. I’m unclear why your failure to work hard, gain skills and not do the stupid things that lead a 30 year old to be making minimum wage morally compels me to give you my money.

Next is Hard Truth Number 4: You shouldn’t have kids if you can’t afford them. A corollary to this self-evident concept is that you shouldn’t have sex unless you can pay for your own birth control. Those of us who don’t choose to live lives of chaos should not have to be taxed money from our kids so the government can give it to your kids because you are too lazy, stupid and/or drug-addled to support them yourself.

That brings us to Hard Truth Number 5: Liberalism depends on a huge number of Americans being losers who can’t support themselves. Broken or nonexistent families are the root of most of society’s pathologies, and they are also essential to the Democrat demographic model. The party’s very existence depends on there being a pool of serfs desperate for handouts distributed by Democrat overlords. If 90% of Americans were self-sufficient and refused to trade their dignity for a few scraps in the form of various welfare payouts, there would be no modern Democrat Party.

In other words, your party must keep you poor, ignorant and helpless to survive. The Democrat mascot shouldn’t be the donkey; it should be the tick.

Here’s Hard Truth Number 6: Your biggest problem is you. Now, a lot of people resent this truth – they say it’s “blaming the victim.” But most of the time, the purported “victim” is to blame. Did you drop out of school? Choose to use drugs? Have a couple kids with a couple losers? See, if so, you aren’t a victim of circumstance. A victim of circumstance is someone struck by lightning or attacked by a gang of thugs in a Democrat-run city. You’re a recipient of consequences.

It’s not a tragedy when bad things happen to people who make bad choices. It’s a tragedy when we lie to them by validating their failures and then try to ameliorate those consequences by taking money from people who did all the right things.

And that leads to Hard Truth Number 7: This can’t go on.

Lady Thatcher famously formulated that, “The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money.” And you will. The most amusing argument for raising the minimum wage is that all this new money paid to people who aren’t worth it will get spent and gin up the economy. But the problem with this private sector stimulus idea is a foundational one: Where does the money come from to pay all these higher wages? From the magic dollar tree behind Mr. Pennybags’s mansion?

Liberalism is magical thinking promulgated by cynical exploiters upon the eternally gullible and the chronically lazy. It’s a political Ponzi scheme, and today’s participants are the unlucky marks coming in at the end of the grift.

Liberalism will collapse of its own dead weight. And when it does, you true believers better be ready for the hard truth that there is no such thing as a free lunch.


Kurt Schlichter

Kurt Schlichter (Twitter: @KurtSchlichter) was personally recruited to write conservative commentary by Andrew Breitbart. He is a successful Los Angeles trial lawyer, a veteran with a masters in Strategic Studies from the United States Army War College, and a former stand-up comic.


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