Hell's Candidates

Kevin McCullough
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Posted: Jun 05, 2007 8:23 PM
Hell's Candidates

Watching leading liberals openly discuss their faith is rather akin to thinking that porn stars are in some way serious thespians.

The fact that porn stars "act" in footage that is then recorded on film (or at least straight to video) is the closest they come to being anything like the great actors of their time. Come to think of it the porn stars might be closer, given that in ancient cultures the word actress meant prostitute. Still listening to the panderbytes offered up Hillary Clinton, John Edwards, and Barack Obama this week defied credulity by any serious Christian.

The top three polling DNC candidates were invited to a forum hosted by Jim Wallis, himself a former confessing evangelical. He was that is prior to the selling of his soul in exchange for abortion on demand, redefining marriage to include homosexual unions, condoms curing HIV, and the permanent enslavement of the impoverished to bigger and more corrupt government. How any of that spreads the gospel or makes disciples is a little beyond my ability to explain.

So on Monday night before a packed house of 1300 religious leftists Hillary Clinton was up first:

"I'm not sure I would have gotten through it (my husband's infidelity) without my faith."

Wait President Clinton was unfaithful? I thought it was a right wing conspiracy, a Ken Starr obsession, a Linda Tripp entrapment. Now you're saying it actually happened? Does this now explain why those lamps got thrown across the room and the repeated use of the "f" word in the private quarters of the White House? She continued:

"I am very grateful that I had a grounding in faith and that it gave me courage..."

Just curious at this point - what faith exactly? Does this faith have a diety? A sacred text?

"My extended faith family acted as prayer warriors for me."

So let me get this straight - your faith considers itself a family and combines prayer with jihad?

Next came John Edwards:

"If I have a day where I haven't sinned multiple times, I would be amazed."

Honesty... hmm a refreshing approach. But how does that confession impact your view of faith? It was a forum on faith.

"Well my faith came 'roaring back' in crisis... ...and still gives me strength to keep going."

Great… But faith in what? And what is sin? How is it dealt with in your faith? Do you get to do it lots and rack up points or something?

And then came the new messiah - Senator Barack Hussein Obama. He was asked about God's role in war:

"We shouldn't ask whose side God is on, but whether we're on his side."

Wow that was good, seems like I've heard it somewhere before - like maybe President Lincoln - who fought the war and freed the oppressed.

So are you saying you are for fighting war and setting people free?

Oops, times up - round two...

Mrs. Clinton:

"The pro-life and pro-choice communities have not really been willing to find common ground, and THAT is the great failing on all of our parts."

Hmmm, interesting so let me see if I understand. The great faith-based, moral failing, on "all of our parts" is that those who want to execute innocent children can't get along with those who believe that executing innocent children is immoral? You don't actually think that maybe the great moral failing on all our parts is the death of 45 million innocent children? No?

Ok Mr. Edwards:

"Poverty is the cause of my life."

As in... You read about it in a book somewhere? Maybe saw something about it on a documentary on your private jet? Did Lizzy see something on the home theater system on the HD network in your 26,000 square foot home? Maybe you overheard something about it from one of the servants of the hairstylist you paid $400 to cut your hair? Or does it come from one of the zero pro-bono cases you've never done as a private practice attorney?

Don't misunderstand me John, I don't begrudge you a good life. You won a lot of those slip-n-fall cases that have pushed our health care premiums through the roof. But hey you figured out how to exploit it first so to the victor the spoils huh?

And lastly Mr. Obama:

''I will restore that sense that we are in this together.''

Do you mean like, from each according to his ability - to each according to his need? Kinda Marxian, you saucy thing. But hey wait a second Marx was an atheist and this is a forum on faith. No biggie, I'm sure you could give me a good quote from one of your pastor's profanity laced sermons. Surely Dr. Jeremiah Wright appreciates the fact that the Clinton judges on the U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals decided yesterday to legalize the use of the "f" word during the time when children are most likely to be watching broadcast television.

Yep... three very articulate solid people of "faith."

And if you're a betting person look for "Leggy Lesbians of Liverpool" to bring home "Best Picture" picture this year.