Kevin McCullough

This week, Hillary Clinton debuted the newest in educational options for our children. The school she referred to is evidently so secret that it doesn't even show up on Google.

Addressing an audience that was predisposed against school vouchers, Hillary went a bit crazy by comparing parents who send their children to parochial schools to those who wish to send their boys and girls to Hillary's new educational invention, the "School of the Church of the White Supremacist." Since the existence of said school is so top secret that only Hillary Clinton knows enough about it to insert it into perhaps the most ridiculous comparison ever made, surely she had a hand in its creation.

In case you missed it, she attempted to unite key constituencies that she believes she will need both this year and in 2008 for her electoral ambitions.

But there is one big problem: If a politician is going to try to get elected in the black community, he cannot take on the subject of vouchers. The numbers betray the truth on this issue: Upward of 70 percent of African Americans favor the educational options that would be at their disposal were they to receive vouchers – as opposed to forcing their kids to attend inner-city schools that are in large part neglecting African-American students across the nation.

The reason Hillary must oppose them relates to the fact that she will be in grave need of big campaign money from the teacher's unions – and unions hate anything even close to resembling a voucher. It represents failure on their part, and they don't have the big, fat jackpot of taxpayer cash to fund their funky, "Bobby has two mommies" social reprogramming courses that the political wings of such unions are desperate to institute.

So if she can't oppose vouchers for fear of losing black votes, but can't support them or lose union money, how does Mrs. William Jefferson Clinton bridge the divide?

Simple. Just imply that those who use such evil things as vouchers are really puritanical voices who seek to reshape culture in their own image – like Catholics and Jews and evangelicals, for example. Lump those groups in with some white supremacists and use "jihad" and you've just about convinced the non-thinking among us to run and out and riot against anyone suggesting the evil vouchers.