The next-worst thing to hearing of yet another child abducted by a known molester is yet another tutorial by the newest media darling - pedophile pundit Jake Goldenflame, whose Dickensian name seems more suited to porn credits than serious commentary.
Goldenflame is nearly as ubiquitous as porn these days, recently inescapable as television news producers leave no rock unturned to find fresh voices to opine on current events. When the day's breaking story is a disappeared child, who else to call but a registered sex offender?
Thus has Goldenflame become the Talking Head du Jour. A self-described "recovering pedophile," the convicted child molester - whose victims have included his own 3-year-old daughter and numerous boys - is also an author and therefore, we must infer from his unctuous omnipresence, an "authority."
Just as the cannibalistic Hannibal Lecter ("The Silence of the Lambs") became a source of insight into the perverse mind of a murderer who skinned his victims to sew a new skin for himself, so we turn to Goldenflame for advice about how to handle those baffling deviants who prey on children.
When some sicko decides to drop a human being into a plastic shredder, might we expect to see members of Saddam Hussein's fedayeen death squads interviewed for their unique insights into the mind of a torturer?
Simply put, I don't care what Goldenflame thinks. About anything. I don't want to know his name (unless he moves next door), much less invite him into my living room. Yet here he is chatting it up with our friends at Fox and Joe Scarborough on MSNBC. Even Oprah invited him over as though Goldenflame were just another hail-fellow-well-met with some intriguing angles on quirky behavior.
His marketing niche is that he, unlike most in his disturbed tribe, supports Megan's Law, which requires convicted sex offenders to register with the states they live in so people can find out when the candy man moves into their neighborhood. The law was passed after Megan Kanka, a 7-year-old New Jersey girl, was raped and killed in 1994 by a convicted child molester/neighbor.
It's not so much what Goldenflame says that's objectionable. What he says, in fact, is true - that sex offenders can't be "cured" and must be carefully monitored. So true that it's commonly known among experts, who have managed to become authorities without committing crimes.