"At Philip Morris USA, we understand that people want to know where we stand on tobacco issues," said the voice. "We agree that there is no 'safe' cigarette. Cigarette smoking is addictive and causes serious diseases, including lung cancer, heart disease and emphysema. The only proven way to reduce the health risks of smoking is to quit."
They might as well have concluded: "There we've said it. You knew it anyway. Now go buy some cigarettes and eat your broccoli."
The truth is, alcohol in moderation won't make you an alcoholic. Research shows that even cigarettes in moderation won't necessarily kill you, absent other contributing factors. Famed biochemist Bruce Ames of the University of California at Berkeley said more than 10 years ago that cigarette smokers who eat lots of fruits and vegetables cut their risk of lung cancer in half.
Likewise, the occasional quarter-pounder isn't going to make you fat. But if you're like one of those cocaine rats that can't stop banging the lever for more, you might want to avoid substances that are known risks for disease and bad behavior.
Anyone who's glanced at a newspaper or news program in the past 25 years knows that heredity is the clearest indicator for health risks. A history of family obesity, for instance, suggests a risk for obesity. Repeat after me: Duh.
If four out of five uncles are drunks, you might want to avoid alcohol. Heart or lung disease? You might figure tobacco smoking is - all together now - A-Bad-Choice.
But no one else is to blame for one's own choices, it should go without saying. The fantasy solution is that lawyers, for their own good, resolve not to accept clients who demonstrate no self-control. Recent trends suggest, after all, that litigation is addictive. And whose fault would that be?