Greenbacks and Ham, by Dr. Sluice

Jon Sanders

7/20/2009 5:36:38 PM - Jon Sanders


SPENDING SCARED: WHITE HOUSE PUTS OFF RELEASE OF BUDGET UPDATE...
RECOVERY.GOV // AWARDED: $2,531,600 FOR 'HAM, WATER ADDED, COOKED, FROZEN, SLICED, 2-LB'...
RECOVERY.GOV // AWARDED: $1,191,200 FOR '2 POUND FROZEN HAM SLICED'...
RECOVERY.GOV // AWARDED: $1,562,568 FOR 'MOZZARELLA CHEESE'...
RECOVERY.GOV // AWARDED: $5,708,260 FOR 'PROCESS CHEESE'...
RECOVERY.GOV // AWARDED: $16,784,272 FOR 'CANNED PORK'...

— Headlines on the Drudge Report, July 20, 2009.

I buy ham
I buy ham
Scam-I-Am.

A scam for ham?
A scam for ham?
Is stimulus
A scam for ham?

Would you spend
Greenbacks on ham?

I see no problem,
Scam-I-Am.
I sure would spend
Greenbacks on ham.

Would you buy ham
Here or there?

I would buy ham
Here and there.
Stimulus dough goes
Everywhere.
I see no problem,
Scam-I-Am.
I sure would spend
Greenbacks on ham.

Would you buy ham
By the pound?
Would you buy ham
For a thou?

I sure would buy ham
By the pound.
I sure would buy ham
For a thou.
I would buy ham
Here or there.
Stimulus dough goes
Everywhere.
I see no problem,
Scam-I-Am.
I sure would spend
Greenbacks on ham.

Would you buy ham
By the box?
Even if it's
Told on Fox?

I sure would buy ham
By the box,
Even if it's
Told on Fox.
I sure would buy ham
By the pound.
I sure would buy ham
For a thou.
I would buy ham
Here and there.
Stimulus dough goes
Everywhere.
I see no problem,
Scam-I-Am.
I sure would spend
Greenbacks on ham.

Would you? Could you?
Buy those cars?
GM! Chrysler!
They need czars.

I'd love to
Buy and
Run those cars.
You may like them.
You will see.
Now I'll make them
Nice to trees.

For unions! For GM and trees!
And Chrysler! (But Ford won't let me!)

And I would buy ham by the box,
Even if it's told on Fox.
And I would buy ham by the pound.
And I would buy ham for a thou.
And I would buy ham here and there.
Stimulus dough goes everywhere!
I see no problem, Scam-I-Am.
I sure would spend greenbacks on ham.

Some trains! Some trains!
Some trains! Some trains!
Could you, would you,
Fund some trains?

Why not some trains? Economies
Need stimulus! Spending's a breeze!

And I would buy ham by the box,
Even if it's told on Fox.
And I would buy ham by the pound.
And I would buy ham for a thou.
And I would buy ham here and there.
Stimulus dough goes everywhere!
I see no problem, Scam-I-Am.
I sure would spend greenbacks on ham.

Say!
In the dark?
Here in the dark!
Would you keep them in the dark?

I would if I could,
Scam-I-Am.

Dare I, durst I, in the reign?
I'd like to, love to, in the reign.

It's quite a lark. I'll buy some trains.
I'll run the cars. I'll save the trees.
I do so love this scam, you see.
Ham by the pound! Ham by the box!
Ham for a thou! Screw you to Fox!
I sure would buy ham here and there.
Stimulus dough goes everywhere!

Would I spend
Greenbacks on ham?

I see no problem,
Scam-I-Am.

Could you, would you,
With a gloat?

I could, yes, I would
With a gloat!

Do you, have you,
Enough votes?

I hope that I have enough votes.
Just think how, dream how I would gloat!
I would gloat all through the reign.
I would gloat while they rode trains.
Stay in the dark! More power to me!
I run the cars! I save the trees!
And I will buy ham by the box,
I could give a rip for Fox.
And I will buy ham by the pound.
And I will buy ham for a thou.
And I will buy ham here and there.
Stimulus dough goes everywhere!

Would I spend
Greenbacks on ham?

I see no problem,
Scam-I-Am.

You think it won't work?
So you say.
Shut up! Shut up!
Go away!
Shut up and go away, I say!

Scam!
You call my stimulus
A huge scam?
You will see.

Hey!
Don't blame greenbacks for ham!
No! It's Bush's fault, Scam-I-Am!
We didn't know it was so bad!
It's not our fault, Scam! We were had!

But I will fix things in my reign.
We're in the dark! This is insane!
Bush crashed our state into a tree.
It's all his fault! Not mine, you see!

We need to buy ham by the box!
We need to! Please tell Fox!
We need ham by the pound.
We need ham for a thou.
We need ham here and there.
We need spending everywhere!

One day you'll like
Greenbacks for ham!
Thank me,
Thank me,
Scam-I-Am!