First they send out campuswide e-mails under the subject line "Greetings, Penis Lovers" several weeks before D-Day. This is to alert prospective student actors that the school is one of the many, many institutions nationwide participating in the 2008 D-Day College Campaign, and as such will be hosting tryouts for the campus production of Adam Amsler's play "The Penis Monologues" (TPM).
In the play, students dress up as phalluses and talk about their experiences being pricks. Prior to the performances, the crowd is led to chant "Penis! Penis!" over and over again, and told that this is actually world-changing. Student columnists then write very earnest op-eds praising TPM for such revolutionary acts, saying that only Hitler would oppose it.
Meanwhile, proceeds from the performance and from ancillary sales of TPM "Penis Pops," "Scrotum Cookies," "Blue Balls Bash" bags, "Dick Heads" T-shirts, and other merchandise go to benefit Amsler's D-Day business and are said to promote men's interests worldwide.
If you think I'm making all this up, that it sounds absolutely ridiculous and unbelievable, well, you're right. Not even at major universities in America can you find people stupid enough to advocate penis chants, pretend to be talking phalluses, sell "Scrotum Cookies," etc., and say they've done something to help men. That'd be nuts, right?
But on St. Valentine's Day, colleges and universities across the country advocate vagina chants, pretend to be talking vaginas, sell "Vulva Cookies," "Vagina Swirls," "Period Party" bags, "Vagina Warrior" T-shirts, and other paraphernalia related to Eve Ensler's play "The Vagina Monologues," saying that on "V-Day" they've done something to help women.
No, I'm not making that up.