Here are just a few little-known facts about Fred Thompson:
- Every night before going to sleep, Osama bin Laden checks under his bed
for Fred Thompson.
- Though Fred Thompson left the Senate in 2003, Harry Reid still hasn't
stopped wetting his pants.
- Fred Thompson once ended a filibuster by ripping out a Senator's heart and
showing it to him before he died.
- Only two things can kill Superman: Kryptonite and Fred Thompson.
- Fred Thompson once stood on our south border and glared at Mexico. There
was no illegal immigration for a month.
- Fred Thompson vows not only to win in Iraq but also to forcefully free
Vietnam from Communism, thus giving America a perfect win/loss record for
wars again.
- Fred Thompson can open clamshell packaging without the slightest trouble.
These are just a few of the "Fred Thompson Facts" posted on the conservative
humor site IMAO (www.imao.us) in March.
As the old proverb goes, there's truth in jest. Obviously, I don't mean to
say that it's possible for anyone to open clamshell packaging easily. I
nearly lost a thumb recently while trying to extricate a cowgirl doll for my
daughter from its plastic cocoon.
But there's no denying that Fred Thompson has one of the most profound
personality cults we've seen in politics for a long time. While traveling
around the country in recent months, I've been amazed at how many
rank-and-file Republicans see Thompson as a secular savior, as if Thompson
were designed by GOP-friendly alien scientists as some sort of Super
Candidate.
For some skeptical observers, this has resulted in comparisons to retired
General Wes Clark, the Democrats' onetime man on a white horse. "Fred
Thompson is to the Republicans in '08 as Wes Clark was to the Democrats in
'04," writes Jason Zengerle of The New Republic. "In other words, the
highpoint of his campaign will be the day he gets in the race, because once
he's a serious candidate - and not just the fevered daydream of a
dissatisfied base - voters will realize he's not all that."
On the surface, there's merit to the comparison. Wes Clark, as I wrote in
'04, was the "Johnny Bravo" candidate. That's a reference to the "Brady
Bunch" episode where Greg Brady is picked to be a rock star, not because of
his musical talent but because he fit into the glitzy costume that rock
promoters had already created. Clark, with his admirable military record and
perceived "toughness" in foreign policy, seemed like the ideal candidate to
beat Bush in '04.