Jonah Goldberg

This is my last column on Harriet Miers until her confirmation hearings begin - or until her press conference announcing that for the good of her (insert "country," "president," "family," "party," "faith" or "sanity") she's withdrawing from consideration for the Supreme Court.

Such resolutions are necessary because Miers Mental Dementia Obsessive Hysteria (Mm'Doh!) is becoming a huge problem in conservative circles. Ground zero of the outbreak is the White House. The syndrome seems to cause disorientation, sudden irrelevant or counter-productive outbursts - about religion or loyalty, for example - and even strange paranoid delusions in which a perfidious cabal of right-wing "elitists" at the Federalist Society - as opposed to the Cheez Wiz-sucking Joe Six-Packs who really make up its rank and file - are secretly trying to prevent female corporate lawyers of the evangelical faith from being anything but moms, schoolmarms or, uh, White House counsels. "This far and no farther!" declare the Federalist phantasms, "keep 'em barefoot and in the West Wing."

Word is that former RNC Chairman Ed Gillespie made a brief visit to the Oval Office and accidentally drank some of the tap water. Shortly thereafter, he showed up at National Review (my employer) in a tie-dyed muumuu, set fire to a very sensible bra, and chided editors for opposing such an admirable American womyn. Fortunately, I wasn't there, but I'm told he then pointed to the Xerox machine and shouted, "Look! Cows!" and collapsed to the floor. Like I said, the dementia is getting out of hand. (In other news, the Secret Service stopped George Will as he tried to barge into the White House, reportedly to explain the Constitutional Convention to the president with hand puppets.)

I myself have a touch of the fever. When the nomination was first announced, I hurled myself onto my computer keyboard like the Phantom of the Opera to bang out an evil melody about the president's folly, Miers' lack of qualifications, and my abiding love for constitutional niceties and nuance.

Even now, ice pack on my brow, I remain convinced Miers was a very, very bad pick. Even if Bush is 100 percent right about Miers, he's done serious damage to his standing in the eyes of his base. Perhaps not so much in "Red America" - though his job approval numbers are at historic lows, which means he must have lost some conservatives. Such doldrums are probably equally attributable to Iraq and Katrina, but Miers didn't help - which is the same thing as hurting in politics.

Jonah Goldberg

Jonah Goldberg is editor-at-large of National Review Online,and the author of the book The Tyranny of Clichés. You can reach him via Twitter @JonahNRO.
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