Retired Marine Col. Jack Pozza, a Vietnam veteran who grew up not far from Green Bay, Wis., and now lives in Virginia, has a dilemma: He's a lifelong Green Bay Packers fan, yet he supports President Bush for re-election. Wherein lies the problem.
The Marine knows that there is a 100 percent correlation between the Washington Redskins win-loss record and the outcome of every presidential contest dating back to 1940. If the Redskins win their last home game prior to Election Day, the party in power stays in power. Conversely, if the Skins lose the game, the incumbent party is on the street.
In 2000 - Tennessee Titans 27, Redskins 21: Bush defeats Al Gore.
In 1996 - Redskins 31, Indianapolis Colts 16: Bill Clinton defeats Bob Dole.
In 1992 - New York Giants 24, Redskins 7: Clinton defeats George H.W. Bush.
In 1988 - Redskins 27, New Orleans Saints 24: Bush defeats Michael Dukakis.
Therefore, forget about the Electoral College, voting irregularities in Florida, and missing weapons in Iraq. The fate of the free world, says one observer, rides on the Redskins versus the Packers on Halloween night.
IT'S ANIMALS, STUPID
Harry Truman once said, "If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog."
It might behoove John Kerry, if he can rent a pasture, to get a cow.
"An interesting pattern emerged when we researched our book," says Peter Barnes, former Washington bureau chief of Hearst-Argyle Television, and last seen on CNBC. "We noticed that in the majority of cases in presidential contests from 1900 to 2000, the candidate with the most pets won the election."
Barnes, also a Wall Street Journal veteran, and his wife, Cheryl, are accomplished children's book authors (she also illustrated the 2002 White House Children's Christmas Program). In researching their new book, "President Adams' Alligator and Other White House Pets," they discovered that Bush should easily win re-election simply because he has more pets than his opponent.
Bush has three pets: Barney, the irascible Scottish terrier; India, a cat; and Ofelia, a black-spotted longhorn cow that lives at the president's ranch in Texas. Kerry has two pets: a German shepherd named Cym and a yellow parakeet.
Consider that in 1904, Teddy Roosevelt had 34 pets while his opponent, Alton B. Parker, had one, a dog. In 1920, Warren G. Harding had four pets - two dogs and two birds - while his rival, James M. Cox, had one dog, Tom. In 1932, Herbert Hoover had 10 pets, but Franklin D. Roosevelt had 11 and ended up winning the White House.
John McCaslin is a contributing columnist on Townhall.com and author of Inside The Beltway: Offbeat Stories, Scoops, and Shenanigans from around the Nation's Capital .
Be the first to read John McCaslin's column. Sign up today and receive Townhall.com delivered each morning to your inbox.
Must Watch: Senator Explains Why He Changed From Being a Democrat to Being a Republican | Katie Pavlich