John McCaslin

How about politicizing your car's dashboard with a John Kerry bobblehead?

And for you fishermen out there, what better bait to hang on your line than a shiny John Kerry fishing lure?

'Tis the season of political paraphernalia, and from now until November you can buy just about anything with a presidential mug attached to it.

There's the John Kerry dartboard (aim for the nose). And tell what time the polls close with George W. Bush and John Kerry "horse's (rear)" wall clocks.

President Bush, a former owner of the Texas Rangers baseball team, obviously has signed his share of baseballs. Yet more rare is a baseball signed by Kerry.

"You are bidding on an official major league baseball that has been signed in person by presidential hopeful John Kerry," writes one EBay entrepreneur. "The mint baseball was signed in person by Kerry when he was in St. Paul, Minn., on Wednesday, Feb. 25, 2004. He signed the ball after speaking at St. Thomas College. The ball was signed on the sweet spot and looks real nice. He signed the ball with a ballpoint pen that turned out really well. You will not find a better looking John Kerry ball anywhere."

What's interesting about campaign buttons at this stage of the presidential contest is we still don't know the name of Kerry's running mate. So as we await word, buttons are touting everybody from "Kerry-Edwards" and "Kerry-Dean" to "Kerry-Clinton" (as in Hillary Rodham) and the "Dream Team: Kerry-McCain."

Our favorite button on the auction block, though, is a rare red, white and blue "The Duke & John Kerry," which we've discovered on EBay.

Who's the Duke?

"The 'Duke,' of course, is Mike Dukakis, the former governor of Massachusetts and the unsuccessful Democratic nominee for President in 1988," the seller says. "This pin is from 1982, when Dukakis was running for governor with John Kerry ... sharing the ticket as the candidate for lieutenant governor."

COMEDY ROUTINE

What House Majority Whip Roy Blunt of Missouri still can't figure out is why a Sept. 11 commission member - in this case former Sen. Bob Kerrey (D-Neb.) - would appear on Comedy Central's "The Daily Show" and satirize hearings into why the terrorist attacks happened - and just hours before testimony from President Bush.

"This is not a laughing matter," says Blunt, a Republican. "Just two days before the 9/11 commission is scheduled to question the president of the United States about intelligence failures that precipitated the loss of more than 3,000 Americans, Sen. Bob Kerrey asked a comedian for pointers."


John McCaslin

John McCaslin is a contributing columnist on Townhall.com and author of Inside The Beltway: Offbeat Stories, Scoops, and Shenanigans from around the Nation's Capital .

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