John McCaslin

Earlier we wrote about Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld's unique vernacular being turned into a book of poetry.

Now, as the Pentagon boss alluded to recently while lecturing the nation's newspaper editors, he's become music to a composer's ears. Actually, a half-dozen composers from around the United States.

"Rummy Music," spun coast-to-coast by countless radio stations and from New York last week by CNN correspondent Jeanne Moos:

Rumsfeld: "There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we now know we don't know."

Female singer: "We also know there are known unknowns. That is to say, we know there are some things we do not know ... "

Rumsfeld: "But there are also unknown unknowns."

Male singer: "... unknown unknowns."

There is no truth to the rumor that Rumsfeld is in the market for a talent agent, at least not yet.

GOT MILK?

Hurry, open up your refrigerator and hide your carton of 2 percent milk behind the orange juice. Word is the food police are about to add low-fat milk to its list of "poor nutritional quality" beverages, even recommending it be removed from America's schools.

A draft report by the Center for Science in the Public Interest, rumored to be released later this month, bears the name of CSPI's activist coalition, the National Alliance for Nutrition and Activity.

So we're poisoning our children by pouring milk on their Fruit Loops?

"Anyone who would suggest that milk is unhealthy for kids is out to lunch," says Richard Berman, executive director of the Center for Consumer Freedom. "CSPI once boasted that it was 'proud about finding something wrong with practically everything.' Now it's proven it."

HEY, DUDE

A congressman carries with him considerable clout.

Recently, after the opening congressional prayer, Pledge of Allegiance and brief remarks by House Majority Leader Tom DeLay on the responsibility of leaders in the post-Sept. 11 world, Rep. Danny K. Davis stepped up to the House podium.

"Mr. Speaker," the Illinois Democrat began, "today marks the 100th birthday of my uncle who lives in St. Louis, Mo. And I guess on May 1 hundreds of my relatives are going to converge on that city to pay tribute to him.

"So I simply rise to wish a happy birthday to 'Uncle Dude,' as we finally called him. His name is Willie Vaughn. But he has lived a long and productive life. His mind is great. He is still active. Happy birthday to Uncle Dude."

PASS THE SYRUP


John McCaslin

John McCaslin is a contributing columnist on Townhall.com and author of Inside The Beltway: Offbeat Stories, Scoops, and Shenanigans from around the Nation's Capital .

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