• Unpaid sex worker: wife

  • Sexual service provider: paid sex worker, hooker

  • Death tax: inheritance tax

  • Duty-not-paid importing: smuggling

  • Cosmetically saturated: wearing too much makeup

  • Fragrance abuse: wearing too much perfume

  • Olfactory assault: wearing any perfume at all

  • Nondiscretionary fragrance: body odor

  • Robust peacekeeping: killing troublesome locals

  • Coercive pregnancy: turned down for a late abortion

  • Mandatory motherhood: turned down for a late abortion

  • Pregnancy-related services: abortion

  • Product of conception: baby

  • Evacuate cranial contents: suck the baby's brains out

  • Action figures: dolls for boys

  • Nuclear transplantation: cloning

  • Smoothers: girdles

  • Spouse equivalent: lover

  • Polyamory: wild promiscuity

  • Person-centered sexuality with permissive affection: anything goes

  • Nontraditional sex: perversions

  • Comprehensive sex education: sex-ed classes stressing the things your parents hope you will never do

  • Hemp activist: pot promoter

  • Problem-plagued: drug-addled

  • Post-verdict response: riot

  • Uprising: a riot you approve of

  • Granted "access" to my body (Boston clerical term): had sex with a young male

  • Occupant restraints: seat belts

  • Poorly buffered precipitation: acid rain

  • Race-sensitive programs: preferences, quotas

  • Faith-based organizations: religious organizations

  • Deer management: shooting all the deer

  • Activity intolerance: lower back pain

  • Economic profiling: getting turned down for a loan because of a poor credit rating

  • Made possible by: We don't take advertising, but here comes an ad anyway

  • Relationship manager: salesperson

  • Persistency specialist: bill collector

  • Tactical pricing: panicky price cuts

  • Intercommunal coexistence (from a program at Brandeis): getting along

  • Mainstreaming (journalese): quoting one member of every race, gender, orientation and ethnic group in all news reports, even ones about ailing turtles, bad weather or Martha Stewart

  • Lifestyle and fitness competition: Miss America's swimsuit competition

  • The (nongendered) monarchy, the power and the glory: the (patriarchal) kingdom, the power and the glory

  • Creator, Redeemer, Sustainer: Father, Son, Holy Spirit

  • Involuntary normal attrition: laying off workers

  • Managing down: laying off workers

  • Rightsizing: laying off workers

  • Job survivor: person not yet rightsized, attrited or managed down