Readers of science sections also keep seeing a similar headline: "Universe Older Than Previously Believed." You may have thought the universe was, say, 20 godzillion epochs old, but science sections tirelessly point out your utter ignorance by showing that things are much older. "New Theory of Dinosaur Extinction" is another traditional headline. Now matter how you think the tiresome giant reptiles died off, it always turns out that they probably perished some other way.
Many observers insist that science sections are reluctant to use any headline that is less than 40 years old, but that is surely an exaggeration. ("Science Headlines Younger Than Previously Believed.") One source of originality is the regular flow of studies showing that fatty things may be good for you after all. Coming soon to a science section near you: "Butter -- Our New Health Food?" But it's surely true that science editors are fond of the familiar. Why else do we keep reading "Feelings -- Keys to a Balanced Life," "Our Cheatin' Hearts -- Why People Lie," and "Rich People Get Better Medical Care Than Poor, Study Shows"?
Many headlines have the life expectancy of atomic waste, showing up year after year. Every October we get "U.N. Opens Amid Uncertainty." Not once in 56 years has the U.N. opened amid certainty. Other dependable favorites include "Pope Warns Against Modern World," "McCain May Leave GOP," and two companion headlines: "Strawberry Fails Drug Test," and "Actor Downey Arrested Again."
Some familiar heads are irritating. When Rupert Murdoch turned part of his media empire over to his son, one editor wrote "The Son Also Rises," unaware that head has been used 674 times.
Most famous and original heads appear in tabloids. The New York Daily News probably swung the 1976 presidential election to Jimmy Carter with its screaming head "Ford to City: Drop Dead" (no White House help as New York City faced bankruptcy). When a couple with two children had triplets, the News ran a classic head: "Three of a Kind Plus Pair Make Full House."
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