But there are sound reasons for you to care. One of the teams represents truth, justice, the American way and underdogs everywhere. The other represents George Steinbrenner. Are you excited about the Subway Series between the Mets and the Yankees? No, of course you aren't. We who live here in the Big Apple are fully aware that the frenzy over this long-awaited matchup is somewhat muted in America's trans-Hudson region. Many of you probably wanted to see a team from one of the top provincial cities (St. Louis), or even one from a remote outpost on the very edge of American civilization (Seattle). But, hey, those teams lost, and you are stuck with two from New York. So we know what you are thinking. You are thinking the same thing you thought during the Iran/Iraq war: Isn't it a shame that both sides can't lose?
Ridiculously rich people who live in Manhattan root for the Yankees. When they hear about a coming "Subway Series," they scratch their heads and ask their doormen, "What's a subway?" The Mets are located in Queens, where real people predominate. Yankee fans don't even know where Queens is. Luckily their chauffeurs do, or Yankee fans would never be able to reach either city airport.
Statistics tell the story. Federal number crunchers confirm that 62 percent of Yankees fan support comes from the richest 1 percent of taxpayers! As I believe Al Gore pointed out in one of the debates, the Yankees are the team of HMOs, Big Oil and Big Tobacco. When not chortling over a Yankee demolition of some harmless American League opponent, Yankees fans spend a lot of time worrying about the unfairness of death taxes on estates as small as $10 million or $20 million.
Mets fans, on the other hand, are members of "working families." Lacking the foresight to inherit trust funds, they have actual jobs. They don't go to work in pinstripes and they don't send their baseball team out in them, either. Unlike Yankees fans, they do not expect to win every year, and they don't throw tantrums or complain bitterly to their butlers in those off years when they don't win the pennant.
Rooting for the Yankees has the same excitement level as rooting for Merrill Lynch or betting that the sun will come up in the morning. The Yankees have a tradition of mindless competence. The Mets, on the other hand, have a vibrant tradition of scrappy incompetence.
The typical Yankees hero was Joe DiMaggio. Joe D. was graceful and aloof. He played with no noticeable emotion of any kind. Nobody ever saw DiMaggio dive for a fly ball. He didn't have to. He always got there in time to make the catch look easy.