1. Last week Al Gore, father of the Internet, revealed that he was in on the establishment of the strategic petroleum reserve. What else did he help create?
the Strategic Air Command.
Hubert Humphrey's 1968 acceptance speech.
the Olympics.
hip-hop culture.
six of the Ten Commandments, maybe seven.
the No. 1 hit song, "Look for the Union Label."
2. Speaking of "Look for the Union Label," Al Gore says he recalls his mother singing him to sleep with that song, though it was not written until Gore was 27. Explain.
Union ditties are so catchy that many Democratic politicians can recall loving them before they were written, particularly in election years.
If some 27-year-olds still need lullabies, who are we to judge?
It was a simple mistake. His mother actually sang him a quite similar song by Britney Spears.
3. Gore said that in Vietnam "I carried an M-16 ... I pulled my turn on the perimeter at night and walked through the elephant grass, and I was fired on," and "I was shot at ... I spent most of my time in the field."
Gore served five months in Vietnam as a visiting military journalist, earning special protection as the son of a famous senator. He pulled occasional guard duty at a secure base. His best Army buddy said this was "the equivalent of being a school-crossing guard." Nobody seems to remember Gore being fired on. What can we conclude from this?
School-crossing guards lead dangerous lives.
A gun must have gone off in a Saigon hotel bar. While attempting to flee, Gore probably stepped into a container of elephant grass.
Republicans will stop at nothing in their despicable attempts to smear a genuine fighting hero.
4. Al Gore gave Hollywood's moguls six months to stop marketing violent junk to kids, or else. This indicates:
A strong stand by a principled candidate.
One of his aides, shuffling some papers before Gore's speech, accidentally inserted an old op-ed piece by Joe Lieberman, which was on its way to the shredder.
Triangulation time. Two more big Hollywood fund-raisers were coming up.