John Kass

"This isn't having an affair. I mean, this isn't me saying, 'Oh, he's had an affair, we shouldn't talk to him.' Someone who takes advantage of a young girl in their office? I mean, really. And then they have the gall to stand up and say Republicans are having a war on women? So, yes, I think it's a factor. Now, it's not Hillary's fault ... but it is a factor in judging Bill Clinton in history."

No doubt some Hillary supporters see Paul as an evil genius. But he just may be the genius who highlighted the problem as if he were a naturalist using a straight pin to fix a spider to a board.

And he's pointed out the main predicament: What to do about Bill?

How can the Clinton campaign speak to the aspirations of women young and old if people remember that no responsible parents would leave Bill alone with their daughter?

And what parents would put their daughter under Bill's "wing" in either the campaign or the White House?

They still eat pizzas at the White House, don't they? Have cigars been outlawed in the D.C. area?

Here are few of my First Laddie solutions:

-- A First Laddie Kilt. Let's amend the Constitution to mandate that the First Laddie -- if named William Jefferson Clinton -- will wear a tartan kilt at all times, with black knee socks and black oxford shoes. Underneath the kilt at all times will be an electric chastity belt monitored remotely by the U.S. Secret Service.

-- Matt Drudge. Save a plunge in an icy river, nothing would chill Bill's urges more than having Matt Drudge of the Drudge Report sitting right outside the First Laddie's office.

-- NSA surveillance. A tiny robot drone follows the First Laddie at all times, equipped with a camera feeding the White House situation room and Drudge's laptop. It is linked to a Taser built into the chastity belt.

-- Vice President Rahm Emanuel. The Rahmfather, when elected as Hillary's running mate, would take charge of the Laddie. Any hint of a violation would require a Polar Plunge au naturel in the Potomac.

-- Gentling. There are chemicals that I'm told will accomplish this, but that might be viewed as "too drastic."

-- Exile. My preference. What about sending the First Laddie into exile in some mountainous, semi-lawless land ruled by warlords known to provide mountains of pilaf and dancing girls to their guests?

These are but a few possible solutions to the First Laddie problem.


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