John Hawkins

"The issue here is not gonna be a list of accomplishments. As you said yourself, Steve, you know, I would put our legislative and foreign policy accomplishments in our first two years against any president — with the possible exceptions of Johnson, F.D.R., and Lincoln." -- Barack Obama

As future generations of Americans look back at the Obama years, perhaps as they search for some sort of explanation for why so many of them are living in huts and paying a 70% income tax rate when the country used to be so rich, they'll be looking for some key dates and facts. So, in an effort to help future generations, here is a straightforward, entirely factual account of some of the most important moments of the Obama years.

1) Barack Obama Inaugurated (January 20, 2009): Oh, it was such a hopeful, glorious, unified moment. Cats and dogs, Fox and MSNBC, Republicans and Democrats -- we were all in it together and rooting Obama on towards victory……….which brings up some obvious questions like: How did Barack Obama squander so much goodwill and what did he do to make so many Americans hate him?

2) Barack Obama throws out the first pitch at the All-Star game (July 14, 2009): On this date, the hippest man ever to occupy the White House revolutionized fashion in America at Major League Baseball's All-Star game. Ever heard of mom jeans? Well, Barack Obama wore them to the All-Star game and that, combined with his girlish throwing motion, caused moms across America to copy the mom-in-chief – and that is how Barack Obama created mom jeans!

3) Obamacare passes (March 21, 2010): In one fell swoop, Barack Obama managed to cripple American healthcare, put the medical insurance industry on suicide watch, stall the economy, and empower the IRS and unelected death panels to get involved in your health care. If you were looking for comparable bad decisions from other world leaders, you'd probably need to go back to Napoleon's decision to invade Russia during the winter or Nero's decision to play the lyre on his balcony while Rome was burning instead of organizing a fire brigade. (In all fairness to Nero, that may be a rumor. For any future generations that are wondering what went so wrong with healthcare, contrary to what your liberal schoolteachers are telling you, George W. Bush was not responsible for "Obamacare." It really was Obama.)

John Hawkins

John Hawkins runs Right Wing News and Linkiest. You can see more of John Hawkins on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, G+,You Tube, and at PJ Media.