John Hawkins

2) Mom jeans: Yes, there's nothing cooler than a man who steals mom jeans from Kathy Lee Gifford's closet so he can girlishly throw out the first pitch of the 2009 MLB All-Star game. Betty White could have well gone out in his place. They would have worn the exact same outfit and she probably has a better arm.

3) Confusing a door and a window at the White House: Who was the last person to confuse a window with a door at your house? Actually, it probably wasn't a person. More likely, it was a bird whose teeny, tiny brain told him "clear sailing" right before he slammed into the window and thudded to the ground dead. Speaking of teeny, tiny brains, in a Gerald Fordesque fit of dopiness, Barack Obama was actually completely puzzled when he wasn't able to walk into the White House. Through a WINDOW.

4) Making fun of kids in the Special Olympics: I thought anti-bullying campaigns were the hip, new thing. At least that's the impression you'd get from Lady Gaga. Either someone never gave Barack Obama the message or he comes at it out of that Dan Savage "I'm a bully who's against bullying" school of thinking. We know that because Obama went on Jay Leno and said his bowling looked like the Special Olympics. That was classy, huh? Melissa Clouthier, who wrote for Right Wing News at the time, talked about having a special needs child and noted that his Little League teammates, "haven’t laughed or poked fun. Not. Once. They have managed to show more class, patience, empathy and charity than the President of the United States." I guess, unlike Obama, they just didn't realize how incredibly cool it was to make fun of special needs kids.

5) Thinking there are 57 states: Dan Quayle, who probably has 30 IQ points on Barack Obama, was permanently branded an idiot for misspelling potato when it was spelled incorrectly on a card that was given to him by the school. Barack Obama, on the other hand, thought there were 57 states, signed a guestbook 2008 in 2011, thanked the "fallen heroes" in the audience, and even ended up thanking himself once because the teleprompter told him to. In other words, he's like Joe Biden, who nobody thinks is cool, with twenty less IQ points.

6) Bowing: We've come a long way from "Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties, and so bear ourselves that, if the British Empire and its Commonwealth lasts for a thousand years, men will still say, 'This was their finest hour!'” or "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall" to Barack Obama bowing like a manservant to dictators. Since when was Alfred the Butler cooler than Bruce Wayne? When did standing tall like a man become less cool than bowing like a servile little apple polisher to the Saudi King or the Chinese Prime Minister?

7) Eating dog: A lot of people actually misunderstand the Buffet rule. It actually means Obama wants all the Poodle, Corgi, and Chihuahua he can eat at state dinners. Maybe that's not even a joke. After all, nobody knows when Obama last ate dog or for that matter, whether he'll pledge not to eat his dog Bo if he's elected to a second term. When did eating Scooby Dooby Stew, Eggs rover easy, and Yorkshire pudding pups become stylish? It actually seems kind of strange and disgusting.


John Hawkins

John Hawkins runs Right Wing News and Linkiest. He's also the co-owner of the The Looking Spoon. You can see more from John Hawkins on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, G+, You Tube, and at PJ Media.