Her claim that stay at home moms care only about their own little nest could only have been written by someone who doesn’t actually know anybody outside an office. Just yesterday, I ran into my friend Barb at the office of the school our kids go to. Barb was holding her eighth child on her lap, while answering the phone and running the office of the school. Barb co-founded that school: a gift for many families for many years.
Linda might be impressed by my friend Cheryl. She is the volunteer coach of the school’s track team. Yes, her oldest daughter is on the team, so she has a personal reason for coaching. But her time and expertise are a gift to all the kids on the team. And it isn’t as if Cheryl has nothing else to do. Only her two oldest kids are at the school. She homeschools the younger five.
Most community is created and sustained by mothers. More than almost any other experience, motherhood teaches us that humans are a social species. We want our children to have nice peers and stimulating activities. So mothers create little communities for the sake of their own offspring. Our private interests in our children’s well-being, leads us to create the public goods of Little Leagues and Girl Scout Troops and community theater groups and cooperative pre-schools.
Robert Putnam correctly identified the deterioration of community life in America in his celebrated book, Bowling Alone. But as far as I know, he was never quite willing to go out on a politically-incorrect limb and point out that this was part of the price we pay for having all adults in the paid labor force at all times. I don’t mind going out on that limb. I’ve been a working mom and a stay at home mom. The kids aren’t little and dependent forever. We should enjoy them while we have them. They’ll be gone soon enough and we can go back to our jobs.
I’ve responded to Linda Hirshman before, here and here. I don’t have the New York Times and the Today Show giving me space. But in the end, I will prevail. Linda Hirshman is only defending herself. I’m defending the next generation.