OK, I really stirred up a hornet's nest last week with my attack on in-house divorce, written in response to a decent-sounding husband who was "Sleeping in the Basement." Several themes emerged from my inbox and the comments section at the bottom of last week’s column.
1. Several women defended their lack of interest in sex, citing the laziness and neglect by their husbands. I agree that wanton callousness toward your partner’s needs is wrong. It should go without saying that this is equally true whether the man neglects the woman or the woman neglects the man.
Unfortunately, it needs to be said because virtually every major university in this country has a Women’s Studies Department that spends full-time teaching effort and millions of taxpayer dollars emphasizing men’s wrongs against women. Women have full sanction in this culture to nag, criticize and complain about their husbands, who are required to suffer in silence.
The husband who comes home from work, opens a beer, counts the kids’ noses and plops down in front of the TV went out of style in the ‘70's. When that kind of guy demands sex, his wife understandably feels ill-used. We don’t seem to see that lout’s female counterpart: The wife who greets her husband at the door with a litany of complaints about her day, their kids and his performance. It’s about time she went the way of the leisure suit and the lava lamp.
2. Sex differences really are significant. The egg-heads in the academy who are trying to create a gender-neutral society ought to read some of the letters in my inbox. These people have no clue how much misery they are creating.
It is fine to say we should lighten up about gender roles in the public square and in the market place. If the question is, who gets to be an accountant or who gets to vote, I’m OK with gender being irrelevant. But sex and child-bearing are the most gendered things we do. We can’t possibly expect gender-neutrality inside the home.