-- Joint or separate accounts? Try both. There is a school of thought that says the more you merge your money, the more you trust each other and the marriage. I don't completely agree -- I am a big fan of having both joint and separate accounts. The way this method works best is if you come up with a household budget that the joint account will cover. It must include the amount you want to save for your joint goals (vacation, house, retirement, emergencies). Then figure out what percentage of both salaries will cover it, transfer that much in from each of your separate accounts, and leave the rest.
But note: The bills covered by the joint account shouldn't always be paid by the same person. One of you will likely gravitate toward this task, but make sure you switch it up at least once a year, or do the work together. "Even if you don't like handling the money and your partner does, it's wise to be as knowledgeable as you can. It may not come naturally to you, but you need to know at least the fundamentals," says Ludwig.
-- Financial autonomy is a must. When it comes to marriage, you need to be able to buy a cup of coffee without checking with the spouse. If you don't have this financial independence, one spouse starts feeling like a parent and the other like a child. That said, it helps to set a limit for how much you can spend without consulting your partner. Maybe $100 at the mall is OK, but a new television isn't. Your threshold is going to vary based on what you can afford, but the point is that you agree to always discuss purchases that are significant.
-- Schedule financial dates. Once a week, make time to talk about money. It should be a time when neither of you is overly tired or cranky. (Perhaps after a television show you always watch together.) During the week keep a list of items you want to make sure not to forget, then discuss them. This is when you'll talk about how much to put in the FSA, whether you should switch healthcare plans, if you're paying too much for cable, if you need to re-allocate your 401(k), or whether you want a new flat-screen. Go into the conversation with an open mind -- if you're feeling nervous, worried or angry over money, try to understand what is behind your own feelings before you air them with your spouse. If you can understand why you feel a certain way, you and your spouse will have a greater likelihood of reaching an understanding.