Chet Cutshall of Willowick, Ohio, inquires about a similar election between "should" and "if." He cites a dispatch in the Cleveland Plain Dealer last year from spring training in Florida: Brandon Phillips could become the Indians' second baseman "should they decide to not bring back Ron Belliard." He also cites the fund-raising letter of a mental health foundation: "Should you or a loved one ever have a 'brain attack,' you'll want every medical advantage ..."

The trouble with "should" in almost any construction is that it cannot escape its overtones. There's the "should" of reprimand, as in, "Jack, you really should know better!" There's the "should" of regret: "We should have stayed home." And the "should" of probability: "We should be arriving before 6 o'clock." And the "should" of obligation: "We should send at least something!"

All such nanoseconds of hesitation may be avoided through a conditional clause: If Phillips becomes, and if you or a loved one ever have ...

Another trouble with "should" is that it sometimes gets tangled with "would." The obsequious flunky says to his boss, "I should not be bothering you if it were not ..." Almost always, "would" is a better choice.

And while we're on this general subject, a reminder is in order that except for two purposes, "shall" has all but disappeared from English speech and writing. It survives as a legal imperative: "Shylock shall deliver." And it survives as an invitation: "Shall we dance?" Otherwise the old modal auxiliary rarely is missed at all.

(Readers are invited to send dated citations of usage to Mr. Kilpatrick in care of this newspaper. His e-mail address is kilpatjj@aol.com.)

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