Mr. Ed goes to Washington

Perhaps they can enlighten me as well: What is the legally relevant distinction between a horse and a cow? Is it aesthetic? Lambs are awfully cute. Is the issue intelligence? Pigs are pretty smart. The absence of vegetarians from the board of the National Horse Protection Coalition will not prevent other people from citing the horse slaughter ban while arguing that Congress should protect their favorite animals.

The bill says horses "deserve compassion and protection" because they "play a vital role in the collective experience of the United States." I'm not completely sure what that means, but it does not bode well for fans of bison meat. The bill also says horses, unlike cows and pigs, "are used primarily for recreation, pleasure and sport." If it's the fun-to-food ratio that matters, Americans will have to stop slaughtering pigs once enough of us keep them as pets.

The arbitrariness of such distinctions becomes clear when you talk to someone with a different perspective on these matters. My wife once discussed the strange American custom of treating cats like family members with a souvenir vendor in Guangzhou, China. Upon learning that we have three cats, the woman asked, "Are they fat?" One of them is a bit chubby, my wife admitted. "Oh, you should eat him," the woman said. "They're delicious."