Doug Giles

5. While we’re on the topic of friends, be careful to establish credible friendships with young men and young women who don’t talk smack in court to lawyers, appear horrid on television, who can read cursive and they’re not … uh … um … inconsistent in their testimony.

6. Try to limit how many times you say, “motherf’er” on Twitter as it looks un-childlike when it’s thrust into the court of public opinion.

7. Also, don’t say the N-word all the time in your tweets. It’s considered rude and it could cost you a future cooking show, especially if you’re a white devil. See link above for examples.

8. Speaking of Twitter, don’t choose a handle like “NO_LIMIT_NIGGA” as it makes it difficult for the state’s attorneys in their prosecution, and for the media, to pawn you off as a mere lad that likes multi-colored, fruit flavored confectionaries and artificially flavored and sweetened canned teas.

9. Forgive me for harping on social media etiquette, but I would also not say you, “wanna experience a white girl”, or mention that a particular young girl is adept at fellatio. I would just stay away from all tweeting about fornication and violence.

10. While at school, try not to get suspended for spray painting the children’s lockers with “WTF”, especially if you have in your current possession stuff like twelve articles of stolen women’s jewelry and a big-ass screw driver used for breaking into homes.

11. Regarding cellular telephonic decorum, don’t take pictures of pot plants, illegal guns or talk about buying illicit .22 or .380 caliber handguns from your youthful mates. This, too, makes it hard for future defenders to explain away

12. While we’re on the topic of school, try not to bring your weed and weed pipe to school. If you do need to bring your hooch to school for your frequent panic attacks, or just to take the edge off the difficulties of the de rigueur of public education, try to conceal it better so you don’t get caught.

13. Also, as you go through your teens, you might want to think about not getting tattooed too much. In addition, I would forego the gold-capped teeth and get porcelain veneers if you are truly in need of cosmetic dental work.

Anyway, I hope this helps you should you ever end up in a predicament because of your poor choices and you’d like to have it blamed on others rather than you. Y’know, the media and race baiters can work miracles but the more you hide/alter your current, aberrant behaviors, the easier it will be to blame innocent people.


Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at ClashDaily.com and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter. And check out his new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation.