Doug Giles

Wow, I thought George W. Bush was the worst man ever to walk the earth. Now, according to the Leftists, it’s Mitt Romney? Geez, what are all the mannish looking lesbians going to do with all that anti-Bush schwag? Maybe they can recycle it into a tricycle and ride that three-wheeler down to Uglytown and offset the mega carbon footprint their BS on Mitt has transmitted to mother earth. Make sure your Dockers don’t get caught in the spokes, ladies!

This week, in a further attempt to hide Obama’s disastrous presidency and thereby afford BHO four more years to entrench us further in an economic maelstrom, an Obama Super PAC attempted to paint Romney as an evil rapscallion who gives old ladies cancer.

Hey, Stupor PAC, why stop there with giving granny the scourge? Why don’t you sell even more loopy crap to the vacillating voting morons who’re beginning to wake up from the Obama voodoo juice you seduced them with four years ago? You’ve got to shoot for the moon, you stump shooters. Tell the goobers who watched and believed your “hope and change” schlock some doozies so they’ll stay corralled within your anti-American crab trap.

Yes, if you’re going to keep your constituents from making the savvy leap from Barack’s Marxism into more of an American free market system you’ve gotta ramp up the rhetoric, or they could officially wake up and leave your loser for Mitt.

So, I suggest that if you’re going to paint Mitt as Iron Maiden’s mascot, Eddie the Head, you need to get more creative with your bollocks.

For instance, tell your beholden sheeple that …


· Romney hates cute kittens and ring-tailed lemurs.

· Romney makes dogs ride on top of airplanes. Screw the cars. Say airplanes. It’s more terrifying.

· Romney wants poor people to drink mud and breathe secondhand smoke.

· Romney enslaves orphans and makes them pull his sled during leopard seal hunts. Naked. In the dead of winter.

· Romney purposely runs over manatees when he’s boating in south Florida.

· Romney thinks you ought to keep more of the money you’ve made versus giving it to lazy government sponges.

· Romney has five sons. Who does that?

· Romney was the third man on the grassy knoll. Lee Romney Oswald.

· Romney hates apples, eggs and pie.

· Romney gave a kid spinal meningitis.

· Romney pulled the spine out of a puppy once.

· Romney’s granddad killed Abraham Lincoln.

· Romney has a third nipple.

· Romney and his wife were at OJ’s house the night Nicole and Ron Goldman were killed. Coincidence? I don’t think so.


Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at ClashDaily.com and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter. And check out his new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation.