Doug Giles

It’s the same thing with many lesbians. I don’t get you. When I hear you speak it’s always, “Men suck. Men are beasts. Women rule,” yet some of you ladies dress and act like men. You wear men’s Dockers and Polos and have a short man’s haircut. You look more like Al Franken than you do a woman. One would think that a lesbian would embrace femininity in all its glory kinda like Al Gore cuddles junk science. Where am I going wrong?

And lastly, when it comes to the topic of gay marriage I don’t have a problem with it unless, of course, Liza Minnelli remarries David Gest. I am vehemently opposed to allowing that circus to come back to town.

Seriously, I don’t have a problem with gay marriage as long as you don’t call it “marriage,” taxpayers don’t have to pay for it, and you inform us up front who the “female” is in the relationship. (Should you decide to adopt, that detail will assist us in buying Mother’s Day gifts for the special … uh … um … man.) Which brings up another imminent cultural conundrum: I guess we’ll soon have to dispense with Mother’s Day altogether, right? It’s either that or retail stores will have to modify their Mother’s Day product lines to accommodate the gents now on the list.

Geez … evolving is complicated.

Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter. And check out his new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation.