Doug Giles

(Reader warning: rough language ahead!)

What would happen if Sean Hannity, Dennis Miller, Dr. Keith Ablow, or a conservative barbeque salesman, for that matter, expressed on national television the desire to “F--- the sh-t out of” some powerful, prominent and accomplished liberal woman against her will? Or, in other words, rape said señorita?

Do you think that would make the evening news? Do you think he would get fired from his job? Do you think that all conservatives far and wide would have to profusely apologize and go through sensitivity training for the next eight millennia? The answer to those tres questions would be: duh. You bet they would.

In addition, what if some conservative dude whom the Tea Party currently fawns over got on a popular weekend cable show and said, “I wish all the politicians who support homosexual marriage were f---ing dead”?

Do you think Matt Lauer would do a hit on that diatribe come Monday morning? Do you think the Tea Party darling would have to forfeit his fair perch with the movement? Do you think idiot boy would get a visit from the local police department for uttering such hateful speech against a group of people? The answers to those questions would be … yes, yes and heck yes, he would.

Also, can you imagine if a faction from Focus on the Family showed up at the private business of a liberal with whom they vehemently disagreed, disrupted that workplace, and then strafed offices with buckets of glitter while blaring “Jesus Freak” in the background?

Do you think Rachel Maddow would go mad cow on that ditty come 9:00 p.m. the next day? Do you think the Focus freaks would have trespassing charges pressed against them? Do you think the belligerent Christian vandals would get canned from their jobs at Focus?

I’m a thinkin’ … yes. Why, yes, they certainly would—and pretty dang quickly, mind you, like, so fast it would make your head spin.

And lastly, can you imagine what would happen if Don Wildmon, sick with the flu, somehow snuck into Obama’s personal campaign headquarters and licked doorknobs, keypads, coffee cups and telephone receivers in the hopes of getting Obama severely ill in order to derail an important event and then was actually stupid enough to write about this germ warfare against the prez?

Would that make the news? Would that make people look at the American Family Association and say, “You dudes are some sick and twisted monkeys”? Here, again, I’m guessing bingo.

Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter. And check out his new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation.
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