How Dads Can Avoid Billy Ray’s Regrets

I can’t imagine watching a video of my 18-year-old daughter on TV, high as a kite, sucking on a bong, speaking gibberish, posing for semi-nude photos and laying all over a bunch of tweenage horndogs attempting to imitate an episode of Skins while knowing that there’s pretty much nothing I can do about her bad behavior but talk to Jesus and weep.

That sad and avoidable scenario I just painted has been Billy Ray Cyrus’ reality of late as he watches his famous daughter Miley follow Anna Nicole Smith’s path of doom (Billy Ray’s words, not mine).

In next month’s , Cyrus the Senior states that he screwed up with Miley the Younger by allowing the dipsticks at Disney to hijack her soul and turn her into a narcissistic cash calf who takes her cues from immoral and greedy SOBs instead of Christ and common sense.

Not only did Billy lament the putrid path Miley’s “wholesome” Disney “handlers” took her down, but he was particularly POed at how they separated her from him and helped destroy his marriage just to make royalties off his little girl.

“But at least Billy Ray is rich,” some of you are undoubtedly thinking. Yeah, money’s a cure for all ills, eh dork? Well, BRC doesn’t think so and went on to say that if he had it to do all over again that he would not have let Miley get into the industry and would rather have had a sane, sober and safe offspring at home rather than millions of dollars, a Disney show and a daughter who imitates Snookie.

Now, I’m not here to beat up on Billy Ray, but Billy … what were you thinkin’, brother? You let hellish Hollywood run your life and your kid’s life. What did you think was going to happen? Those diphthongs in Tinsel Town don’t give two flips whether or not you and your kid live or die as long as their checks clear. Therefore, as you well know by now, they’ll push your kid and others to take kiddie porn pics, grind a pole at a Teen Choice award, shack up with a Justin Timberlake wannabe for PR and smoke salvia (yeah, right) if it’ll bank them some Benjamins.

I hope all fathers far and wide learn the serious moral in the Cyrus GQ story. Here’s what I gleaned from Billy Ray’s requiem:

1. Fame is BS. You can have it one year and be a drunken alley cat the next. So when it comes to your kids, focus on longevity, character, excellence, righteousness and true grit. True success is the business of greatness. And fame? Well, to be famous nowadays all a decent-looking girl has to do is get a boob job and sport the willingness to flash her va-jay-jay when she gets out of her car on Rodeo Drive. If she does that then BOOM! She’s a star!