Doug Giles

Matter of fact, we’ll go a step further and court martial our troops when they play a game of pin the tail on Mohammed at Gitmo, or flush a Koran, or accidentally serve Achmed Jell-O. Not only that, but we’ll prosecute our intel ops who ferret out your Islamic mass-murderous plots, and we’ll promote Muslim maniacs to major within our own ranks.

This sensitive approach to war is supposed to have the intended effect, if you wouldn’t mind, of preventing you from blowing up planes full of American Christians on Christ’s birthday, thank you very much. It’s just a suggestion. And it would be nice if you would play our game, as well.

However, if you don’t capitulate to our level of niceness, we will continue to maintain that level because we want to prove to the world that we’re pleasant even if thousands more Americans have to be killed. Again, we’re not pressuring you to stop the Christmas attacks, we’re just trying to give you something to think about while you’re screaming in tongues and burning our American flag.

Until then we might have to inconvenience some of you who wish to fly our friendly skies. Yep, you might start getting profiled because everybody and their dog think you suck and don’t trust your type much anymore. No offense, of course.

Oh, and for your information, I hear Kevin Jennings has volunteered to do the TSA pat downs and cavity searches on those who fit the “man-made disaster” profile. I hear he’s very thorough.

Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter. And check out his new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation.