Doug Giles

Author’s note: The original title of this column was going to be, “If You Don’t Think the Fort Hood Massacre Was a Terrorist Attack then You’re a Damn Fool,” but because I’m trying not to cuss as much I changed it to “You’re an Idiot.” Progress, sweet progress.

I was sitting in the Greensboro airport Thursday morning after a speaking engagement at UNC-Greensboro when a TV blaring CNN caught my attention. The talking head was reading the results of a survey CNN had conducted (with the smattering of viewers that have yet to defect to FOX) regarding how many believed the November 5th Fort Hood massacre (y’all remember that, don’t ‘cha?) was a terrorist attack and how many did not.

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Before the results rolled in, I was sitting there thinking, “Uh … it kinda looks like jihad to moi. It sure as heck wasn’t a tickle fight.” In addition I mused, “Hasan’s a Muslim, and he yelled ‘Allahu Akbar!’ as he strafed our unarmed troops. Hmmm. Maybe, oh maybe, this is an Islamic act of war. Sure as shizzle smells like it to me.” Yep, it’s pretty much along the lines of how these jihadists roll—namely, killing unarmed people—but then again, these assumptions that I bring to the table could just be me being “judgmental” again.

Anyway, of the few folks who still watch CNN, 47% of the respondents said “no, what Hasan the Dipstick did was not an act of terrorism,” while 45% of the CNN yodels said, “yes it was an act of terrorism,” which caused me to mutter over a mouthful of Dunkin Donuts, “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Half of these dimwits don’t think it was jihad-related? What?!? Then I remembered I was watching CNN. They have “special” viewers, the kind who believe Bertha Lewis and the L. A. Times are a fount of truth.

No matter what the bubble-headed brunette on CNN reported, no matter how the thought police explain this Muslim mook’s motives for mowing down our troops, no matter what some tweed jacket wearing, pipe smoking shrink says was rattlin’ around in Nidal’s noggin that caused him to snap like a weathered bungee cord with Rosie O’Donnell carabinered to the end, Hasan, for what it’s worth, said what he did was jihad.

Yes, one Nidal Malik Hasan was very loud and proud about the fact that he was cool with lighting up us infidels (I hope when he dies the 72 virgins awaiting him are all males who look like him, are hairier than Chewbacca, and sport violent, chronic halitosis).

Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter. And check out his new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation.