Obama Receives The Nobel Peace Prize and The Sexy Legs Award

Doug Giles

10/10/2009 9:47:21 PM - Doug Giles

I think it’s very interesting that the same week Saturday Night Live filets Obama for not doing diddly during the last nine months, Norway’s Frans and Gunhilda get the brain fart to give him the Nobel Peace Prize.

What kind of Scandinavian trip weed are you guys roasting up there in your skull bongs? You blondies are orbiting the moon on this one!

Excuse me, but before you get a Peace Prize don’t you have to do something good that actually brings some air of peace on earth and good will toward man, like Jesus or Gandhi or Colonel Sanders did?

What’s that, you say? You don’t have to accomplish jack squat? You mean you don’t, in fact, have to cure any earthly ills? You say Al Gore got a Nobel Prize, as did Yasser Arafat and Jimmy Carter?

Going Rogue by Sarah Palin FREE

Oh, I get it now. The Nobel Peace Prize is just a code name (kinda like Special Adviser or Health Care Reform, wink, wink) for people who are essentially friendly with Muslim terrorists and D-bag dictators who dislike America and who table moronic global initiatives.

Okay. All right. I’m cool. I understand now. I’m smellin’ what you’re cooking. I hear Hitler and Mussolini were actually up for one of your Peace Prizes at one time.

Silly, literal me for not having my Ovaltine decoder ring hip to your linglee. Of course, if the Nobel boys truly wanted to dole out props to people who actually brought real peace to rank regions, men such as George W. Bush, who liberated 50 million Muslims in Iraq living under jackass Hussein’s murderous boot, and Ronald Reagan, who freed up hundreds of millions of Europeans and salvaged swaths of Latin America, as Rush pointed out on his show, well . . . they would have been given a proper Peace Prize if the prize truly meant the manifestation of some semblance of real peace.

In the spirit of giving accolades to El Presidente, I think he should be presented the following awards for what he has indeed achieved in these past 260-ish days in office.

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I would think a prize for “The Most Awesome Teleprompter Reader Ever, Ever, Ever” would be apropos. Cuz we all no after grajuating frum publik skule that redding be hard now and man oh man kan he read real goodly.

Also, I believe Obama should be honored with the “Bee Bop and Scat Around the ACORN Controversy Award” for acting like he had no idea ACORN was receiving millions of our tax dollars and that this whole ACORN thing ain’t that big of a deal. That, my friends, was brilliant, brilliant obfuscation.

In addition, I believe the “Hide Your Cigarettes From Your Kids Award” should be bestowed on him, as we all know hiding your smokes from your offspring is hard as heck—y’know, with the smoke coming from behind the bushes and the smell and all. Plus, chewing all that Bubble Yum to get it off your breath—that’s tough. I smell a trophy. Hansel and Gretel, uno mas trophy, you bunch of knicker-wearers!

Not to be forgotten is the prize for “How To Take Our Deficit and Frickin’ Quadruple It” Award. Oh, and what about awards for “Picking Crazy Czars,” “Throwing Your Reverend and Grandmother Under a Bus Without Blinking,” and the “Whiz on Your Nation While You’re Abroad Award”?! He’s a Tiger Woods on doing that. Gold, baby. I smell gold.

And lastly, I hear Kevin Jennings, the “Safe Schools Czar,” y’know, the strident gay dude who green-lit the statutory rape of a 15-year-old boy by an adult man in a public toilet, who said “F---“ Christians, who gets giggly over NAMBLA’s Harry Hay, and who wrote the foreword to Queering Elementary Education, wants to honor Obama with the “Sexy Legs and Golden Abs” award.

Meow, KJ. Meow.

Hannah Giles' Legal Defense Fund can be found at defendhannah.com.