Doug Giles

In addition, I believe the “Hide Your Cigarettes From Your Kids Award” should be bestowed on him, as we all know hiding your smokes from your offspring is hard as heck—y’know, with the smoke coming from behind the bushes and the smell and all. Plus, chewing all that Bubble Yum to get it off your breath—that’s tough. I smell a trophy. Hansel and Gretel, uno mas trophy, you bunch of knicker-wearers!

Not to be forgotten is the prize for “How To Take Our Deficit and Frickin’ Quadruple It” Award. Oh, and what about awards for “Picking Crazy Czars,” “Throwing Your Reverend and Grandmother Under a Bus Without Blinking,” and the “Whiz on Your Nation While You’re Abroad Award”?! He’s a Tiger Woods on doing that. Gold, baby. I smell gold.

And lastly, I hear Kevin Jennings, the “Safe Schools Czar,” y’know, the strident gay dude who green-lit the statutory rape of a 15-year-old boy by an adult man in a public toilet, who said “F---“ Christians, who gets giggly over NAMBLA’s Harry Hay, and who wrote the foreword to Queering Elementary Education, wants to honor Obama with the “Sexy Legs and Golden Abs” award.

Meow, KJ. Meow.

Hannah Giles' Legal Defense Fund can be found at

Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter. And check out his new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation.