Doug Giles

Democratic congressman John “I Am the Walrus” Murtha, the man with the foot-shaped mouth, besmirched Pennsylvanian voters this past week calling them “racists” and “rednecks” because they’re refusing to smoke the Obama Oganja.

I have a question for my readers: Do you think Murtha works on being consistently ridiculous or does it come naturally? I think it’s a natural gifting that’s right up there with Gary Busey’s brilliance.

Look, if not buying Barack’s gobbledygook makes one a redneck then all I have to say is . . . Yee-frickin’-haw! Slap some Charlie Daniels on the CD player, boil some crawdads and pass the moonshine, Jedediah, because I too ain’t buying what he’s a sellin’.

Check it out . . .

• If you think “socialism” when you hear Barack say “change,” then you might be a redneck.

• If you think there’s nothing about San Francisco that a rise in the ocean level could not cure, then you might be a redneck.

• If you think slick politicians who rise from a political dung heap like Chicago might not be the fresh breeze they purport to be, then you might be a redneck.

• If you think Michael Moore is John Murtha and Joy Behar’s love child, then you might be a redneck.

• If you actually believe Obama’s close buddy Bill Ayers when he says he’s an anarchist, a Marxist and is unashamed of bombing the Pentagon and the Capitol building, then you might be a redneck.

• If you think Jeremiah Wright, Obama’s pastor for 20 years, is more unhinged than a spider monkey that just had turpentine poured on its butt, then you might be a redneck.

• If you get PO’ed because the vast majority of our college campuses spew anti-American rhetoric to your young ‘uns, then you might be a redneck.

• If you think it’s kind of weird for Obama to be close friends with some of the most unpatriotic SOBs in the USA, then you might be a redneck.

• If you don’t like your kids being taught in the public schools that America is an oppressive, imperialistic country that needs a heavy dose of Marxism to make it better, then you might be a redneck.

• If you’d prefer your kids not be a part of an elementary education that has thoroughly been queered—their words, not mine—then you might be a redneck.

• If you’re looking for a new name to call acorns after this election cycle because the fraudulent voter registration group ACORN has sullied the name of this innocent nut, then you might be a redneck.

• If you like Joe the Plumber’s tax plan more than Joe “the Bumbler” Biden’s tax scam, then you might be a redneck.

• If you think it’s patriotic to pay fewer taxes, then you might be a redneck.

• If you bitterly love your guns, Jesus, apple pie, deer hunting, blonde-haired, blue-eyed girls, baseball, Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter, then you might be a redneck.

• If you believe Barney Frank is more of a Barney and less of a Frank, then you might be a redneck.

• If you don’t like your baby’s first grade class being bussed in to attend their lesbian teacher’s wedding, then you might be a redneck.

• If you think your lazy-eyed, evil half sister Erlene, the one with Tourette’s, is more fair and balanced than the mainstream media even on Saturday nights when she is all liquored up, then you might be a redneck.

• If you think the Fairness Doctrine is the beginning of the end of free speech, then you might be a redneck.

• If you think terrorists should be bombed into oblivion versus chatted with over tea and a smoldering hookah, then you might be a redneck.

• If you equate “progressives” with the two Dutch weirdoes who bought the farm next door to yours and blast Boy George music from their house, have bizarre barn dances on the weekends and keep stealing your young female sheep, then you might be a redneck.

• If you don’t like it when two-year-olds, corpses, house pets, Disney Characters and child molesters get to vote (and vote often), then you might be a redneck.

• If you get teary eyed when you hear the Star Spangled Banner and proud when you see our soldiers, then you might be a redneck.

• If you mutter curse words under your breath when you see a hippie wearing a Che Guevara T-Shirt, then you might be a redneck.

If the above makes me a redneck, then man am I glad not to be equated with the walking sea cow that is John Murtha and his icky ilk.

I hope and pray to the Redneck God in heaven that all the bitter and clingy God, gun and USA loving voters will remember when they go to the polls this November 4th (before the liberals vote on November 5th) how zealously, consistently and mercilessly the lunatic left disparages them at every turn and will, therefore, cast their “redneck” ballot for the McCain and Palin ticket.


Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at ClashDaily.com and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter. And check out his new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation.