Pennsylvanian Voters: You Might Be a Redneck If . . .

Democratic congressman John “I Am the Walrus” Murtha, the man with the foot-shaped mouth, besmirched Pennsylvanian voters this past week calling them “racists” and “rednecks” because they’re refusing to smoke the Obama Oganja.

I have a question for my readers: Do you think Murtha works on being consistently ridiculous or does it come naturally? I think it’s a natural gifting that’s right up there with Gary Busey’s brilliance.

Look, if not buying Barack’s gobbledygook makes one a redneck then all I have to say is . . . Yee-frickin’-haw! Slap some Charlie Daniels on the CD player, boil some crawdads and pass the moonshine, Jedediah, because I too ain’t buying what he’s a sellin’.

Check it out . . .

• If you think “socialism” when you hear Barack say “change,” then you might be a redneck.

• If you think there’s nothing about San Francisco that a rise in the ocean level could not cure, then you might be a redneck.

• If you think slick politicians who rise from a political dung heap like Chicago might not be the fresh breeze they purport to be, then you might be a redneck.

• If you think Michael Moore is John Murtha and Joy Behar’s love child, then you might be a redneck.

• If you actually believe Obama’s close buddy Bill Ayers when he says he’s an anarchist, a Marxist and is unashamed of bombing the Pentagon and the Capitol building, then you might be a redneck.

• If you think Jeremiah Wright, Obama’s pastor for 20 years, is more unhinged than a spider monkey that just had turpentine poured on its butt, then you might be a redneck.

• If you get PO’ed because the vast majority of our college campuses spew anti-American rhetoric to your young ‘uns, then you might be a redneck.

• If you think it’s kind of weird for Obama to be close friends with some of the most unpatriotic SOBs in the USA, then you might be a redneck.

• If you don’t like your kids being taught in the public schools that America is an oppressive, imperialistic country that needs a heavy dose of Marxism to make it better, then you might be a redneck.

• If you’d prefer your kids not be a part of an elementary education that has thoroughly been queered—their words, not mine—then you might be a redneck.

• If you’re looking for a new name to call acorns after this election cycle because the fraudulent voter registration group ACORN has sullied the name of this innocent nut, then you might be a redneck.

• If you like Joe the Plumber’s tax plan more than Joe “the Bumbler” Biden’s tax scam, then you might be a redneck.

• If you think it’s patriotic to pay fewer taxes, then you might be a redneck.