Doug Giles

6. Put a 10-year moratorium on “God wants you rich” sermons (yeah, that’s what we need to hear nowadays, you morons, more sermons about money, money, money!).

7. Embrace apologetics and shun shallow faith.

8. Evangelize like it’s 1999.

9. Push lazy Christians to get a life or join a Satanic Church.

10. Demand that if a Christian gets involved in the arts that their “craft” must scream excellence and not excrement.

5. Quit trying to be relevant and instead become prophetic contrarians, I’m talking contra mundus, mama!

Y’know, it gets kind of wearying watching choir boys trying to be some holy version of James Dean in a lame attempt to appear cool and thereby sell Christ and Christianity to uninterested postmodern pagans.

Hey Church kid, I appreciate you wanting to look hip and not come off as Urkel, as well as your desire to introduce blasé and/or bellicose unbelievers to Moses and Jesus. To be honest, it’s refreshing to see Christians morph in this direction as many Christians look creepy and, truth be told, a lot of them couldn’t care less if bad people dropped into hell. Therefore, any stab to wash the unwashed while looking GQ gets major kudos from moi, my brother. Giddy up.

However, the problem I have with these NSYNC Christians is that many of them go too far in trying to be effective and groovy and toss out the very thing that enacts true transformation of both souls and society, namely . . . the truth! In particular, the offensive aspects of the truth. You remember that old stuff don’t ‘cha? All the things that rub us the wrong way, slay us at our very core and radically tick us off? Remember that?

Here’s my advice to all you “relevant” boys and girls: Make sure when you are overhauling your wardrobe, urbanizing your vocabulary, gelling your hair to new heights, switching from Dunkin Donuts coffee to Starbucks, and praying to Jesus what appendage to pierce next and where to place another tribal tattoo on your white, skinny arm that you don’t dispense with the offensive aspects of Christ’s credo, for it is here, all you Justin Timberlake believers, that the truth truly sets men free.

A Detergent Church will try to be as timely as possible and look as smart as possible, but you’ll never find us sucking up to culture and removing the sting of the truth’s tail because the true church and saving truth are forever, contra mundus, and here lies our total commitment, namely not to culture, but to God and Christ. If we want godly changes then we have to realize that righteous realignment comes not through seeking to be relevant, which ironically often leads to irrelevancy, but through righteous prophetic resistance to the ubiquitous bad ideas society is yielding up. Yes, the Detergent Church isn’t so much interested in being au courant as it is in being gospel correct.

As far as I’m concerned, the church/Christian that wants to be a profitable asset verses a pain in the arse will not 86 the disturbing truths of the gospel just because our shallow and cheeky culture doesn’t dig ‘em. As much as it is a believer’s duty to become all things to all people and not be removed freakish monks stuck in an ecclesiastical time warp, it is first and foremost the Christian’s duty to stand for God—which means a good chunk of the culture ain’t going to like you, more than likely. This isn’t a big deal, however, at least to the culture warrior who loves God and this country. Why? Well, for one reason, they’re not whiners, and secondly they understand that true progress comes through resistance.

The final installment will be next week …

Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter. And check out his new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation.