Doug Giles

5. Quit trying to be relevant and instead become prophetic contrarians, I’m talking contra mundus, mama!

6. Put a 10-year moratorium on “God wants you rich” sermons (yeah, that’s what we need to hear nowadays, you morons, more sermons about money, money, money!).

7. Embrace apologetics and shun shallow faith.

8. Evangelize like it’s 1999.

9. Push lazy Christians to get a life or join a Satanic Church.

10. Demand that if a Christian gets involved in the arts that their “craft” must scream excellence and not excrement.

Allow me to elaborate, my little ones . . .

1. Get men who dig being rowdy back into the pulpit. When I hear one of the ubiquitous whiny, weepy ministers get on TV or radio and whimper about Jesus and life, I think it’s no wonder we’re getting our ecclesiastical clocks cleaned by secularists; our “leaders” are oh so very lame.

Look, God’s men aren’t suppose to be effeminate, spiritually neutered, prancing nice guys. Biblical ministers are to be sons of thunder who are daunting and not David Archuleta-like grinning hand-holders and cliché dolers to messed-up wienies. You can’t transform boys into men when you’re a Peter Pan pastor. Capice?

If your church is remotely serious about salvaging society then here’s a little raw 411 for you, el pastor: You’re not going to change the USA by being nice but by being bold. And to be bold boys you must have high doses of holy testosterone. Matter of fact, in Moses’ day you couldn’t be a priest if you didn’t have cojones (see Deut. 23:1-4). I say we, the Detergent Church, start kickin’ it old school again and retable that deuteronomic prerequisite for current ministers and wannabes; i.e. you don’t get to lead if you don’t have your boys intact.

From rank secularism to islamo-fascism, our country is between a rock and a hard place, and I’m sure the USA would appreciate the church’s help, hello. Obviously, I don’t believe we can help if our leaders don’t have holy huevos to stand up for God and what is sane in this psycho society.

As far as my imbalanced backside is concerned, if the “man of God” is not a dude in a Clint Eastwood sense of the word, then we really don’t need him right now to preach or lead worship—maybe later after 100 years of work, but not now—which means there’s going to be a lot of job openings in churches across the land if my advice is heeded because the church has officially become wussified.

What’s the solution to our cultural pollution? Historically it’s always been men who would be men, which means we don’t need puppets, panderers, Wallys and wusses. We need prophets, patriarchs, warriors and wild men.

To be continued . . .

• Join Doug Giles and comedian Brad Stine in Nashville, June 3rd at 7 PM for GodMen (for more 411 go to Also, check out Doug’s LATEST VIDEO: “Teach Your Kids How to Sense BS” and his interview with leadership guru John Maxwell this week on

Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter. And check out his new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation.