Doug Giles

8. Defenseless people rounded up and exterminated in the 20th Century because of gun control: 56 million.

As the old adage goes: “With guns, we are citizens. Without them, we are subjects.” Therefore, I’ll cling to my gun because I really enjoy being a free bird and truly hate kissing someone else’s backside, but that’s just me.

So, Barack, since you threw that supposed insult at me and millions of other gun-needy Americans, I am going to react by doing the five following things:

1. I am going to walk up to my gun cabinet and hug and kiss all of my rifles and shotguns and tell them they are really good guns no matter what any far-left liberal lug nut says about them.

2. Since I just finished my new book, How to Keep Thugs and Bad Boys Away from Daddy’s Little Girl (Thomas Nelson, December 2008), I need a break. Let’s see, what can I do? I know, I just got a custom Ruger #1 elephant gun in 450/400 Nitro Express. I think I’ll go out and celebrate with it in the South Florida swamps next weekend. Clingy me is going to baptize it in wild boar blood as a sort of a cordite warm-up pitch before I go bear hunting in Maine this summer, aoudad and mountain lion hunting in West Texas this fall, and Cape Buffalo hunting in Africa the summer of ‘09. I’m so clingy!

3. I’m going to buy the new Ruger .380 LCP for my lady because she, too, is also kinda clingy.

4. I’m going to cling more to God and Christ than I ever have before.

5. I’m going to vote for John McCain.

Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter. And check out his new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation.