Doug Giles

Barack Obama came out this past week in Philly and denied knowing that his pastor (for the last 20 years, not days or months, but 20 years) is a mad black anti-American racist. Not only did Barack deny knowing that his scribe was an unpatriotic, imbalanced bigot, but he also said he didn’t even know Wright was black until last Monday. Obama had been thinking all along that “Uncle” Jeremiah was Chinese or something.

In addition to B-HO telling his followers 1.) he did not know that irreverent Wright was a hater and that, 2.) he didn’t discern that JW was black, he went on to enlighten his sheeple that :

• OJ is an upstanding guy

• Courtney Love is still a virgin

• Donald Trump doesn’t have a bad comb over

• Madonna gets hotter every year

• Heather Mills is not a gold diggin’ monopod

• Ryan Seacrest is as straight as they come

• Mary Kate and Ashley have chunky thighs, and . . .

• Pam Anderson’s ta-tas are for real.

After he declared these 10 truths unto his disciples—who sport the requisite Ban roll-on glaze upon their eyes—the flock, in one accord, lifted up their voices and said, “We worship you Oh, Obama! You can do no wrong!”

Chris Matthews was in the crowd and let out a shrill scream, shouting, “Yes! Amen! Glory, hallelujah! Obama I love you!” Chris then tried to do a cartwheel like Cuba Gooding, Jr. did at the Oscars, but because he’s old and flabby he wasn’t able to pull it off. But it was exciting and everyone rejoiced! Afterwards, Matthews was overheard telling Olbermann backstage that Barack is cuter than American Idol hopeful David Archuleta, to which Keith agreed.

With Barack having delivered his oracle unto the congregation and the people actually believing his prophetic word, peace returned unto his temporarily rumpled camp, and all those in Obamaville were glad.

I’ve got to confess: I’m envious of Obama’s oglers. Yes, I am green over their amazing level of faith in their leader who, when caught red-handed hanging out for last 20 years with one of the most vile race baiters in our nation, could cleverly deny sharing his sentiments, even though he’d been volitionally and intimately under his tutelage for that past 7,300 days.

Yes, the inhabitants of Obamaville believe that their sage, Obama Almighty, can lie with dogs and not rise with fleas. Unlike us ordinary plebeians, Obama the Great is not to be known by the company he keeps, and the biblical maxim that “bad company corrupts good morals,” well . . . that crap doesn’t apply to Barack. (BTW: the New Black Panther Party just endorsed Barack. But that doesn’t mean anything).

Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter. And check out his new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation.