Doug Giles

Y’know . . . I hate to disappoint my Christian voting block brethren, but I’d vote for any of the GOP guys, or their wives, or their chunky step son, or their one eyed three legged dog named Hooch, or their obnoxious aunt Maria (Y’know . . . the one with a mustache) rather than have to watch, listen and live with Hillary in the Whitehouse barking orders down to us serfs.

Screeeeeew that.

Listen, my persnickety friends on the Right: You can bust a nut over the various serious and not so serious foibles and philosophies of Rudy, Romney, Fred and John, but for moi the Republican gentleman who gets our party’s nod, whoever he is, will get my vote come November ‘08.


Well it’s simple.

I’ve already had enough of Hillary. I’m sick of seeing that chick. Forget her communistic bent, her virulent anti-Americanisms and her anti-Christian crapola. I simply don’t want to see or hear anything more from her ever again. She’s become the OJ of DC to me (i.e. way too much of her mug and machinations on my TV).

I’m tanked. I’ve had enough. I’m gonna vomit. The OJ comparison was a bad analogy though, eh? There were only two people who died around The Juice. I believe the Clintons have around 40 plus and counting who have mysteriously dropped dead around them. Anyway, back to my angst with Hillary.

Yes, Ms. Clinton has been an uninvited guest in my life for far too long. I cannot imagine having to stomach her and her blah blah blah for another decade. Another %$#@&% decade?!? Argh! Please God . . . don’t let it happen! I swear I’ll be good . . . I wont cuss anymore . . . I’ll up my tithe. C’mon Yahweh. Show some love.

Seriously, I experience physical pain when I see her. Yep, when she queues up and starts her soulless, monotonous monologues about how she wants to trash our nation like Mickey Rourke is doing his liver, I get that same feeling that I had the other day after I ate that last bean burrito that had been under a heat lamp for 37 hours at the Chevron gas station.

My aversion to Hillary has even made me sympathetic to Bill. I guarantee Bill’s ability to empathize with the oppressed and feel other’s pain stems from living within the bellowing crucible of being betrothed to Hillary and thus a forty year receptor of the blunt end of her pool cue. He probably wants her to become President so she will just shut up and become real busy so he can get a fresh crack at some DC interns, baby.

Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter. And check out his new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation.