From the negative reaction I’ve received from cranky women and toxic feminists, as well as the tremendous positive responses/confessions from honest and repentant ex- men emasculators, I think I’m on to something with my “How Wives Can Kill Their Marriage” series.
In regards to screeching female critics of my column, you and I both know that if I went to town on husbands (which I have many times . . . check my archives) everything would be cool. I would be loved and hailed by all the misandrists far and wide. Yes, the man haters would be giddy. However, when I turn my guns on the girls for their garish behavior towards their husbands, all of a sudden I’m a sexist, or a homo, or a . . . a . . . a something.
What’s the matter? Can’t take the heat? Listen, little Miss Can’t Do Wrong, I’m here to tell you that, believe it or not, you’re capable and oft times culpable for creating for your mate a living hell that is only surpassed by an eternal one.
For those women who want to become more efficient at eroding your husband’s spirit, here are four more additional acrimonious assets that’ll drive your hubby to drink massive volumes of alcohol and prefer angry leopard wrestling, listening to Yoko Ono yodel or Chinese water torture to your presence.
Having covered 1) Nag Your Husband and 2) Disparage Him in Public in my last column, I now offer you, the man-eater, points three through six for your bitter arsenal.
3. Keep Him On a Short Leash. Third on my list for how you, the Satan woman, can kill your marriage is to place your husband on a short leash. Better yet, a choke chain. Your goal is three-fold: make your man to feel, fear and heel to your wrath. You’ve got to verbally shackle him to your commands. Make him believe like he can’t sit, stand, play, think, speak or spend money unless you, the queen condor, allow him to.
By short leashing your husband with an exacting set of laws, you will, in short order, morph in his head from being his lover to being his mother. This masochistic machination of insane restrictions will make your man feel like a stupid son, controlled by you, his new petulant mommy.
Forever gone will be the friend, fan, soul mate and confidant stuff that initially drew the two of you together. Once again, pure gold here, girls . . . pure gold. Listen, using this tip might not produce immediate devastating effects upon your man, but don’t lose heart. It’ll work, and he’ll turn into a newt or move into the corner of your attic or joyfully leave you in the dust. Either way, this ditty will suck the wind right out of your marriage sails.
Newsbusted: Planned Parenthood, Cecil the Lion, Hillary Clinton, Jim Gilmore, Christ Mathews, Debbie Wasserman Shultz