Doug Giles

When it comes to unleashing humorous and scathing vocal invectives, Jesus was King of Kings. Yes, the Prince of Peace punk’d people like no other could. Would He have used the word “faggot” in one of His verbal chainsaw massacres upon the political and ecclesiastical morons of His day? Absolutely … not.

No, Christ would not have called some soulless, Aqua Net addicted, duplicitous politician who hires anti-Christ, homely bloggers a fag. That would needlessly offend the homosexual community by comparing them to a skanky politician. Having said that, I have no doubt Christ would have cranked out a cut down on a first century Edwardsian equivalent that would have sawn the boy down to the ground—Dorothy Hamill hair cut and all.

Many don’t see this side of Christ because they’re biblically illiterate. Being dee-tee-dee, they get their cue regarding “what Jesus would do” via the brand spankin’ new, pretty and PCified, 21st century Christ they have created just for their squishy flesh.

We all know this new Jesus. He’s the positive motivation speaker/Savior who says, “howdy doo,” has Mitt Romney-like eternal hair, loves kittens and grins so much his gums are drier than Gandhi’s sandals. In addition, our new Hey-Suess would never say anything to offend anyone; or if he did, it would be about “they and them” but not “you and you.”

If you take the scripture straight (as I do my Johnny Blue) and you get no help from some PC slathered priest and you simply read the Gospels (imagine that!), you will see that our loving, compassionate life giving Savior also skewered His opponents, His friends and a of lot supposed “earnest” seekers like Wolfgang Puck would a small pig.

If you’re a conservative who purports to be a Christian, then you’re to get your behavioral and communication cues from Christ—not some Politician (past or present). And FYI . . . the Lamb of God was no Lamb Chop in word or deed.

Not only did Jesus perform some outrageous and scandalous acts of compassion, but also as stated, He was a verbally vicious warrior when necessary. He wasn’t some squeegee cleaned, wind testing cliché weaver of fuzzy phrases. He said stuff that made people want to kill Him, and y’know . . . if I remember the story correctly, I think they eventually did.

Sweet baby Jesus grew up into a rowdy man who personally attacked people, both in their presence and absence, and being the fun loving Savior that He is, He did His dissecting primarily via exaggeration and caricature. As a matter of fact, His shtick (if the Trinity doesn’t mind me calling it “a shtick,” which they don’t because I’m one of Their favorites), was one of outrageous exaggerations.

Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter. And check out his new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation.